The Long Walk Home

Well, I find myself back in the land of Brighton, back in the world of work, and unusally I have about two weeks in Brighton without going anywhere, just spending each day in one place. I’m hoping not to waste these times but be constructive and productive. And obviously delighting in the grace that accepts me when I am neither construcive or productive.

The Lakes worked their usual magic on my soul. I forgot everything else that exists in this world, I lived in the inbetween world for a week. It was good to be away, good to have long days of relaxed times, good company and fine food. Good to walk up mountains and meander by lakesides. But in the midst of the fun and the laughter, the mellow times, the fireside chats, the hymn quoting, the wonderful moments, there was a tinge of sadness as well. Because as wonderful as the lakes are, they aren’t it.

My life is not complete if I head there three or more times a year. They are not my home. They feel like it but they are not. The new earth is still the reality we are living for. The best moments in this life are still tinged by our sin and shame. That is no bad thing. Because we were made for more than this. We were made to share and enjoy and delight in the new creation. Imagining an even better Lake District is hard to do, but it will be even better than this.

Until then we still have a cross that takes all our sin and shame, a God who never tires of reminding us of his love and a home to go to. Bring it on.

Tonight was Book Group. A random meeting of people connected to one of my good friends, sitting around eating lush food, drinking wine and talking about a book. The best of times, no random small talk to fill the silences, just musings on a book that may or may not have changed our thinking, but there is still much to discuss. Tonight was ‘The Time travelers Wife’, a wrenching book and a fascinating concept. I think the best thing about book group is that when you discuss things with other people you discover new things, thoughts you never thought you had and new ways of looking at things. Brains interconnect and things are learnt. I love conversation of this kind. Happy sigh.

Happy sighs as well because, once more, intrepid blog readers, I am off to the Lakes. By now you may be bored of ramblings about the Lakes, but I don’t care. The Lakes are the best place. Look:

See. Ha. Beautiful. And I know the Maker. (ahem, that wasn’t meant too smugly…). More importantly he knows me and his patience never runs out. A fact that still staggers me. Wow.

So more photos of pretty mountains to follow, I’m off to have ‘How great thou art’ spinning around in my head for the next week as I gaze in awe at rocks and hills and grass and lakes and skies until I pop with excitement. Beauty that makes me cry is always the best kind. Now to bed, and to quote the Lightening Seeds, “feeling sleepy, full of wine, fall in bed just in time, a perfect day, a perfect night”. Mmmm.

So, I was talking to the Bluefish about jPod today, we couldn’t quite figure out if it was a stupid book, a really clever book or just a really interesting concept for a thing and not really a book at all. It’s pretty much got no plot and no structure and seems to just hang on the premise that this is what might result if you published the contents of someone’s laptop. I find that random stream of consciousness stuff quite entertaining, most probably because it fits well with the constant flick reading and skimming that I do, from blog to blog, each day. I’ve always had a random interest in the strange details of others lives and rambling books and films that don’t necessarily have a point but just float through someone’s life for a bit and then leave again.

So, read it if you like a bit of randomness and ponder what your life would be like on paper if someone dumped the contents of your laptop into a book and published it. I’d be pretty freaked I think. That people would get to read the realms of self pity and rambling that doesn’t make it onto these blog pages is too horrifying to contemplate. (I’ve just read through some of my old ramblings and am thanking the gods of the internet that blogs weren’t invented before I developed enough discernment to work out what should be on a public screen and what should be left for the eyes of my Maker alone. Cue some hollow laughter as I realise that I may need to learn some more of that discernment thing)

Ultimately jPod pushes again at some of the familiar ground of the point to this life, is there one? Is it going to get better or more and more random? Really it might just be better to go and read Ecclesiastes.

2: “17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 18 I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. 19 And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. 20 So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. 21 For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. 22 What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? 23 All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.”

3: “9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.”

The contradictions of this life eh. Everything beautiful in it’s time and yet we’ll never be content because eternity is in our hearts as well. Seems kind of unfair.

This is becoming a bit randomly stream of consiousness now, ah well, jPod will get us all in the end. For now sleep will ward away the randomness. Phew.

Today is Fathers Day, everytime I try and write something meaningful about Dad it comes out as trite and a bit like the insert to a cheesy over commercial Fathers Day card. I put this down to my entire internal monologue being taken over by Douglas Coupland. I guess that’s the penalty you pay for reading nothing but jPod over a weekend. Everything feels like it’s coming out in a post modern ironic tired of global capitalization and google type way. Sigh.

Anyway, I shall fight the feeling that this may sound hollow and get on with it. Things I love about my Dad.

When I was small he used to talk to me whilst I had my bath, I loved these bedtime rituals of him sitting and talking to me about my day whilst I got ready for bed. I wonder if when I got older my banishing of him from the bathroom made him sad.
He took us on walks on Saturday afternoons and made me laugh. Alot.
He introduced me to the only way to walk up hills, mountains and home. Slowly, one small step at a time. Keep going.
He put our relationship on the line to bring me back to God. I’ll never forget that night when he challenged me about how I was living.
When all I wanted to do was fight and get out the spiky feelings inside he let me fight him and held me until all my energy went.
He’s got a really really really long fuse, but when he gets angry… (run)
He doesn’t say it very much but I know that he loves me.
When he does say it I know that he means it.
He’s really good at making things, and I really loved building things with him when I was growing up.
One day he’s going to really know how loved and appreciated and valued he is for just being Him. I can’t wait to see the smile on his face when he gets to see how much God really thinks of him.
He really loves God and has lots of wisdom.
When he described me and my brother as friends recently it made me very happy.
He’s generally always right, annoyingly so.
He’s great at sharing deep moments of the soul with, silences in the Peak District, playing me songs, loving and sharing in the poetic moments of this life.
He’s really generous.
He knows me really well.
He’s not perfect and he can be really frustrating and stubborn but in his imperfect way he has shown me a glimpse of the unconditional love of my other Father.
I believe God’s love more because of Dad’s love for me.

Dad, this one’s for you.
I’m sorry I didn’t get a card in the post on time.

“May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.”

This arrived in the post today. Can’t wait to start, and no doubt discuss with the Bluefish when he finishes it. With it came a couple of old Paul Simon albums which are likewise making me very happy. Along with his new one which has such classic lines as: “You cannot walk with the holy if you’re just a half way decent man, I don’t pretend that I’m a mastermind with a genius marketing plan, I’m trying to tap into some wisdom, even a little drop will do, I want to rid my heart of envy and cleanse my soul of rage before I’m through”, and “If the answer is infinite light, why do we sleep in the dark?” Beautiful.