Psalm 109

Yes I have procrastinated about writing about this Psalm. In part due to some circumstances and in part, because yes, you guessed it, it’s about David reigning down curses on his enemies. I’m not really sure what we’re meant to be doing with that at the beginning of the 21st Century, especially as we live in the time after God walked on earth and said, um guys, it’s not just about keeping some laws, it’s about more than that. We’ve got to actively love our enemies.

So what do we do with Psalm 109?  I think there is a big fat theme screaming at us if we can get over the whole, ‘doesn’t David get a bit extreme here’ thing.  Justice matters. There are things that are very wrong in this world, with the way we treat each other and it’s a vital part of being human to care about them. I’m very guilty of buying into the worldview that says there is very little right and wrong, that it’s all subjective, all based on what each individual thinks. That leads to a apathetic state of not really caring about things that are really wrong in this world. It becomes all too easy to turn a blind eye to real injustice if justice is a relative concept. My heart doesn’t burn with pain at people who are acting in horrendous ways towards others. My heart doesn’t ache with David’s and cry out to God for justice to be done.

I’m uncomfortable with this Psalm because of the fear of being too judgemental, too definite about people who do wrong things. I know I stand with them, I know the hardness of my heart but also I let fear hold me back from proclaiming some things are just wrong and need to be dealt with.

It’s a different story if I am the one who is wronged. We’ve all been accused of something we didn’t do. If you are anything at all like me you’ll hate it, want to quickly rectify the situation, feel out of sorts and angsty about how people are now perceiving you and so on. I feel all kinds of pain over even slight injustices done to myself, but do I care about the wider injustices in my city, in the world I inhabit? And if I do, what can I do about it?

David cries out to God, he begs for deliverance and he begs for God to act for God’s name’s sake. This world should not be this way, people should not act this way. People who do not remember to show kindness, who curse instead of bless, who lie and cheat and steal should be stopped. I should be stopped when I act like this. David cried out for God to step in and do something. David cries out to the one who stands at the right hand of the needy for help.

It’s not a flippant thing to say that God answered that prayer by walking on earth himself. Jesus came to deal with the very heart of the problem. To deal with the self centredness and sin that causes injustice. He faced the ultimate injustice on the cross as he was put to death for crimes he didn’t commit by an illegal trial.  We cry out to him to come and change our hearts, and we cry out for his coming again, to end the corruption, violence and terror that lies at the heart of our world.

To ponder:

I want to repent of the ways in which I have acted like David’s enemies. I want to come and know forgiveness and a new start.  I want to come again to the One who can change my heart.  I want to ask for his care and concern for this world. I want to ask for the compassion and anger against injustice and the ability to know how to make a difference in my corner of the world today. I want to engage with this world and not remain indifferent. I want to stop apologising that God is angry with our sin, with our treatment of each other and him. In the words of U2, I want to ‘stop helping God across the road like a little old lady’. He is big, strong and mighty and is angry about the way we treat each other and him. I want to know that he isn’t meek and mild and weak. I want to know how crazy deep his love was that he took that anger on himself as he hung on a cross so we could walk with him and care with him about this world.

Anyone want to join me?

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Decisons…

Stopping, saving a moment, pausing for breath.
I do, I will, I constrict with the effort to

still my soul. to love. to not demand. to reach beyond.

Yet I run and run and run, consumed by the must do, should do, have to
Yet I churn up these angry thoughts, feeding the monster.

Stopping is possible. Stillness can be found.
it just involves.
A decision,
to turn
and face

You.

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Talking, walking, being, looking, amusing

Tuesday I spent the day with the lovely Anna. Real time, not just phone chat. We decided it was a good thing we preferred each other in the flesh. We talked, walked and generally sighed with contentment lots. No wonder, as these things made up our day:

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Beauty

In an effort to still the swirling dark clouds in my head (negativity runs through me like a kind of demon some days) I’m striving to find beauty in my days.

I’m pretty sure it’s there.

Well, I’m almost sure it’s there and like a blurred lens I twist and turn my brain to bring it into focus.

Cycling to work I found some.

Misty mornings, sunlight breaking through. Brighton Beach.

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Following the breadcrumbs home…

Talking through my childhood yesterday evening I was reminded of all the things I love and make up the core of my being. I think we sometimes lose ourselves amidst the now, the immediate. It can become easy to forget the wholeness of our beings in the pressures of today, in the rush of doing things now, in new experiences and new friendships.  I can think that what I feel this moment right now defines me. I forget that my life is more than now, it’s made up of a past and a future. Today is informed by all I have been and all I am heading towards. Knowing that might just be the key to living well today.

I’m aware that sounds a little like a self help book. But when I talk of finding myself, I talk of the real self that has been made, sculpted over time, had bits chipped off and bits stuck back on, I talk of the self in the hands of a potter, creator, redeemer and friend. I talk of the self that is gradually being taught that it’s really not about the self at all. I talk of the self that is multi-dimensional, created with care and beauty to love and be loved. I talk of the self that is only the self in relation to a larger ultimate being. A self that is welcomed in to a community, to share and join in the dance, to bring a part of the bigger picture, essential and yet utterly subsumed by the light shinning all around.

As I talked over the twisting journey of life with my Maker I saw a trail of breadcrumbs leading home.  I saw a girl who didn’t really know what it was to be a girl held in bigger hands, I saw the patience of a lover wooing over years of rejection and pain. I saw the patience of a friend waiting for just the right time to step in. I saw the challenge of a father calling his daughter home, I saw the lifeline holding me close to Truth, Reality and Light. I saw a woman called out of darkness. I saw the many things that make up Kath, the love of sunsets, deep conversation, walks in the country, encouraging people that there is more to this world, walking with God in the garden, lover of music, of people, of friendships that make the world seem a more bearable place.  So much has changed in the last 3 years, identity has been threatened and I’ve sometimes forgotten who it is that inhabits this skin.  Talking back, following the crumbs home has led me to the one who made me, who set my personality, who led me through experiences to help me take risks and head beyond my fears, who held my hand and kept me when I wanted to destroy myself.  He is the story. He is the home. He is still here today. I am his.

In His hands I await the shaping of the future and long to walk hand in hand with him today.

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