Dear lovely one.
Wow. You are about to become a Mum. That reality you’ve ached for over so many years. A Mum. Responsible for a tiny life, her hand in yours.
I wish I could prepare you for what is about to happen. There really is no way. For the wonder, the joy, the insanity, the pain, the sleep deprivation, the life changes, the anger, the frustration and the love. Oh the love.
Like an explosion your world as you’ve known it for years is about to get ripped apart. It’s ok to feel shock, it’s ok to feel overwhelmed. It’s ok to feel like you’re coping really well and were born to do this. It’s ok to feel anger like you’ve never known. It’s ok to burn inside with love for this tiny person who has invaded your world. It’s ok to want to throw her in the bin (metaphorically that is… If you find yourself actually walking towards the bin maybe call a friend eh.). It’s ok to be utterly undone and it’s ok to soar on the wonder of love. It’s ok to cry deep into the middle of the night and wonder why on earth you thought this would be a good idea. It’s ok to moan about how hard it all is. It’s ok to find it fun and delightful. It’s ok to feel smug about getting to hang out in parks all day in the sunny sun. It’s ok to get mind numbingly bored and it’s ok to be lonely. It’s ok to feel and feel some more.
You may find yourself feeling all of those things over 5 minutes of time. That’s ok too. This world of being a Mum is the most insane rollercoaster I’ve ever been on. You are not alone. You are not alone. You may feel alone but you are not. Your village is around you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t fear finding it hard because you are finally getting what you’ve always wanted. It’s ok to get all you have desired and find it enormously overwhelming. And it’s ok when you love it too. It’s ok to say you love it and not worry too much about your old self who struggled with people who were loving it at times.
The world will want to throw advice at you. Go with what fits with your values as a person and ditch the rest. People parent differently and it’s ok to do it differently from your best friends. It’ll be a fine art to learn those tricky conversations around how you manage sleep and eating and all the rest of the things people think they have the answers to but it’ll be worth it. You’ll all appreciate each other more. Find a couple of people who do things the same way and know you aren’t alone, but enjoy the different approaches people have. Parenting is way too full of silly tribes around the ‘right’ method. Go with your gut, try some stuff out and it’ll work out in the end.
I know your circumstances are entirely different from mine, I know there will be challenges and joys that I will never have faced or will have to face. I know we are all so uniquely and wonderfully different but I’m betting there is a lot of overlap in the universal woah of becoming a parent for the first time, however that has happened.
The reality is there is nothing I can say to prepare you. This is one path you’ll step onto alone but as you step you’ll realise that there are hundreds and thousands out there who’ve also taken that first step and who have survived the madness. Whatever is on the other side of this door you are about to open you are loved, you are loved, you are loved and you can love out of that love.