Today I stumbled out of bed in a sleep deprived haze, mind whirling from the crazy dreams that seem to come in the weird half world of sleep and awake that my body had been experiencing since my boy woke at 5am and decided it was time for raspberry blowing and other cute noises.
Today we ate pancakes.
Today I left the house without my small attachment or changing bag. I got into someone else’s car and was driven off to a small town a few miles away from here. Along the way we drove through the lush vibrant green hallways of mid Sussex. Luminous grass for miles around, dappled sunlight beaming through tunnels of trees and a deep blue sky providing the contrasting backdrop as we meandered up the road.
Today I sat with lots of other women and listened again to the stuff that makes up reality. I heard again of the best way to live this life. I heard of the one who brings stability and freshness to life on this planet. I tasted again that sweet refreshment of remembering that we have a God who made us, knows us, has the best ways for us to walk in and who calls us away from futile ways of living. Like the fresh bright shiny green world we drove through this morning God calls us to a fruitful life. Delighting in God’s ways brings a life that does not wither or fade away. His ways enable us to bear fruit whatever the season.
Today I was reminded that God is at work in this season of no sleep, that he has bigger plans for us in the midst of these crazy nights. I would love him to have made sleep buttons for babies. I would love a nice easy solution. I would love to get a full nights sleep again. My Bible tells me that God is working for good here and although that ‘good’ might not quite be the same as my idea of ‘good’ I still hold on and hope in the reality of a God who has not abandoned us.
Today I was reminded that to have good foundations you have to dig deep deep down into the dark ground.
Today I sat with other women from my church and delighted together in the sunshine, a God who enables us to be honest and open with each other, good food, deep friendship and the joy of knowing we are not the only ones who feel as we do.
Today I listened to a talk not thinking I could do better, not wishing I was back in ministry, not frustrated. I listened and I heard and I was refreshed.
Today I came back to my boy and the husbandface having had some fuel for the journey, having enjoyed good company and deeply glad of a God I can pour my heart out to, knowing that he hears the cry of ‘how long’ and is at work for good in the midst of our struggles and frustrations.