Advent eh…

Waiting_For_You_by_jjapAdvent is upon us. This year I won’t be attempting to write about it each day, I’m just about coping with life right now and don’t want to get over ambitious… I do, however,  want to make a real effort to remember the reality of what this time is all about, days move on quickly and I am forgetful.

Advent is all about reflecting, remembering and hoping. Remembering the wonder of Jesus stepping into time and space and looking forward to his coming again. It’s about waiting.

I’m familiar with the land of waiting, this year has mainly been about waiting for our lives to be transformed dramatically. But, let me tell you the truth about waiting.  It’s an annoying uncertain place to be in. I’m not going to get all misty eyed this year about the meaning of the waiting. Oh I know it’s a good thing to wait well and there is stuff to learn but, let’s face it, waiting is annoying. It’s an in-between time, a time where it’s a real effort to live in the here and now whilst hoping in a future to come. It’s frustrating.

I wish Jesus would come back. I want him to come back. It’s been too flipping long now. Too long with so much rubbish in this world. Too long with no visual tangible see and touch view of the maker of the world. Too long to wait until the sky breaks and all we hope for happens. Too long seeing friends walk away from all that is true, too long seeing people messed up by this world, too long of wondering where on earth God is in this mess.

I’m not sure where this post is going. I’m just tired of trying to find the  meaning of the waiting, waiting is hard and frustrating. I’m not even sure I am actually waiting for Jesus to come back. I might have given up on that one (don’t tell anyone eh). I’m very sure he came and dwelt amongst us. I look at my son and wonder that the maker of the world fitted into such a small package. I look at Mary and am in awe that she bore our saviour, but it’s been too long now.

This Advent I want to believe it again. I want to hope in there being more to this world. I want to cry come Lord Jesus. I want to know our Emmanuel in this crazy inbetween time.   I also want to be honest.  It’s hard to hope in what we cannot see. It’s hard to keep believing.  It’s hard to keep looking for the light that goes deeper than the deepest darkness.

Your correspondant, wanting to find the quick fix solution to all this but thinking she might just sit here for a while instead in the quiet dark and wait for the dawn, anyone want to join me?

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8 Responses to Advent eh…

  1. Janice says:

    Ugg, I am so with you on the waiting. I’ve read so many things about waiting lately, I know how much a part of human life it is, andI agree it can be done well. But it is HARD and miserable. Our second son was diagnosed with a serious heart defect while I was pregnant. The waiting and wondering how he’d be when he was born was grueling. Then he was born and lived in a hospital for 9 weeks. And daily there was waiting for the next test result, the next weight, the next xray, waiting for tiny signs of improvement. It kills the spirit to wait in such a way. And now, for the past five years, our son has been in heaven and the idea of waiting for heaven has whole new meaning. And I do try to wait well, but I fail a lot. Because waiting sucks. “It’s hard to keep looking for the light that goes deeper than the deepest darkness.” So perfect. I LOVE that the light exists. And I get exhausted waiting for glimpses of it.

    Thanks for the honesty in this post. Isn’t it odd how all the encouraging words in the world can sometimes make us feel hollow, while one person’s honesty about something being crap buoys our soul?

    • Kath says:

      Thanks for sharing your story… so crazy hard this life isn’t it… I think it’s always good to know we aren’t alone in knowing that something is crap and as Christians we seem to often to be scared of saying something is crap without adding caveats on the end of that… if we wrote Psalm 88 we’d want to put a nice neat ending on it… sometimes all we feel is darkness and its weirdly freeing and relieving to admit that… and oddly lets light in..

  2. Heather says:, the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things to come.. Heb 11:1 NIV says: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

    I agree that waiting, longing and looking for that evidence is so hard .. knowing that the Holy Spirit IS there to empower and strengthen us to enable us in that hope, faith and endurance! Our spiritual enemy is of course, working hard to make us feel hollow, fill us with doubt and despair, and trying to dull our eyes to what is true, beautiful and God’s plan for us! Jesus, in human form, must also have felt the deepness of despair, as he was tempted even more than we are, so, who better could understand our feelings of doubt, inadequacy and all that goes with being human?!

    Know that you are not alone – though others may not, do not want to admit they have times of doubt, we are all tempted and tried, our patience wearing thin.. Thank you for being honest – may your honesty ‘tweek’ us to seek His face more often, and also rest in Him, while He repairs us ..

    God grant and gift us with patience during this season, while we ask for empowerment to fulfil His will for our lives to occupy ourselves in doing our best for the Kingdom of God, clothed in His righteousness! Let’s pray for each other – brothers and sisters across the globe – that the seeds and clouds of doubt be removed, and we receive anew the gift of His strengthening of our faith, our hope, our love for Him!

  3. emmascriv says:

    Count me in sister. x

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