Advent is upon us. This year I won’t be attempting to write about it each day, I’m just about coping with life right now and don’t want to get over ambitious… I do, however, want to make a real effort to remember the reality of what this time is all about, days move on quickly and I am forgetful.
Advent is all about reflecting, remembering and hoping. Remembering the wonder of Jesus stepping into time and space and looking forward to his coming again. It’s about waiting.
I’m familiar with the land of waiting, this year has mainly been about waiting for our lives to be transformed dramatically. But, let me tell you the truth about waiting. It’s an annoying uncertain place to be in. I’m not going to get all misty eyed this year about the meaning of the waiting. Oh I know it’s a good thing to wait well and there is stuff to learn but, let’s face it, waiting is annoying. It’s an in-between time, a time where it’s a real effort to live in the here and now whilst hoping in a future to come. It’s frustrating.
I wish Jesus would come back. I want him to come back. It’s been too flipping long now. Too long with so much rubbish in this world. Too long with no visual tangible see and touch view of the maker of the world. Too long to wait until the sky breaks and all we hope for happens. Too long seeing friends walk away from all that is true, too long seeing people messed up by this world, too long of wondering where on earth God is in this mess.
I’m not sure where this post is going. I’m just tired of trying to find the meaning of the waiting, waiting is hard and frustrating. I’m not even sure I am actually waiting for Jesus to come back. I might have given up on that one (don’t tell anyone eh). I’m very sure he came and dwelt amongst us. I look at my son and wonder that the maker of the world fitted into such a small package. I look at Mary and am in awe that she bore our saviour, but it’s been too long now.
This Advent I want to believe it again. I want to hope in there being more to this world. I want to cry come Lord Jesus. I want to know our Emmanuel in this crazy inbetween time. I also want to be honest. It’s hard to hope in what we cannot see. It’s hard to keep believing. It’s hard to keep looking for the light that goes deeper than the deepest darkness.
Your correspondant, wanting to find the quick fix solution to all this but thinking she might just sit here for a while instead in the quiet dark and wait for the dawn, anyone want to join me?