The Long Walk Home

If you want to see a full catalogue of our time in Bulgaria, check out Dancing Dave’s photo diary, (www.david-long.co.uk/bulgaria) complete with handy captions supplied by Lou (itslousblog.blogspot.com). Proving that we can never really say that what happened in Bulgaria stays in Bulgaria. Which was a nice idea when pretending to be a small child for a carnival evening, or dancing a Bulgarian folk dance badly or… as I said what happened in Bulgaria can never really stay in Bulgaria. And on one level it shouldn’t – it would be decidedly pants not to tell of all God did out there, to not big up His name and work.

I am restless to the core,
Seeking to find my feet,
Turning, I run from the past.
But the future seems out of reach

So touch me and call me and make me your own
Hone me, refine me, take over my whole

Inside, within, without.

Turning in circles
Around and again
Reaching for something
I’m going to give in

So touch me and call me and make me your own
Hone me, refine me, take over my whole

Tonight I am restless. It’s been a week since I sat in a restaurant in Bulgaria looking forward to going home, a week passes quickly in this life. I’m not sure where time has gone, or if anything quality has been achieved in the intervening time. I’ve slept. I’ve seen friends and family. And I’ve felt dislocated and unable to relax completely.

Bulgaria was the usual mix of seeing God work in peoples lives, feeling the frustrations of not being able to open peoples eyes for them, the joy of being able to explain the reality of this life and discovering that I really do believe what I talk about. Team life was refreshing in many ways. To see 10 such diverse people get on with each other and love each other, despite differences, was great. I guess that shows the strength of unity in Jesus. Of truly having the most important thing ever in common.

Rhythms were simple in Bulgaria. There was a routine to the day. We were in one place with the same people for more than a week. There is something deeply profound about that space, rare in a job that takes me around different people and places every different hour of the day. The simple things of life become more engaging. The simplicity of routine and a pace of life that doesn’t rush around brings more space to understand what is going on and more space to pay attention to the one who makes sense of it all.

Out there we had time to chat to people, to think about big questions, to dance to old cheesy songs, who’d have thought Snow’s classic song Informer would reappear in a Bulgarian disco night? It was hard as well, having to keep on loving, having to keep on trusting in a God who, bizarrely, chooses to work through me. Having to not believe the lies that I am rubbish, useless and should not be doing this job.

Mainly the experience reminded me again of a God who is not tied to our English Christian culture. A God who speaks Bulgarian, a God who is at work all over this world bringing people to know Him. A God who is committed to working His purposes out. Good as well to see His work in the team, shaping them for the future, reminding them of His global plans and their part in them. Fascinating to participate in, and see the wonders of a God who schemes and plans things out so well.

And now I am left at home. Attempting to rest in the arms of my Father. Attempting to remember who I am and why I am in this world, and then remember that it isn’t about me anyway. Ah the tensions of this life.

I’m back from the land of Bulgaria, coherent thoughts and reflections may well follow over the next few days. Right now I’m in the spaced out land of ‘did anything really happen?’ and ‘where are the 9 other people I have shared my life with for the last few weeks?’. The somewhat disturbing thing is that my brain has filled in the silence by enabling my thoughts to be voiced in the voices of the team and the Bulgarians we met out there. Weird. Nothing really feel tangible right now, having got up at 2am English time to fly home. I know God did things, I know we got to be part of that, but other than that it’s all fog right now. But the good news is that I am reunited with my housemate, my music collection, my bed, my friends, family and my small soft polar bear. The sun is shinning, people can understand what I say and I’m on holiday. Ah. Big long sigh. Sleep calls.

(to see some photos, with a surprisingly nice one of me, check out the Bluefish- my dial up is too slow to upload mine.)

I thought it would come to this at some point. But certain things have to be noted. Tomorrow I’m off to the land of Bulgaria (a sentence which only makes sense if you are reading this on the 20th July). I go in slight trepidation, taking a team of students to attempt to teach English and tell Bulgarian students a bit about the true nature of reality. To be honest it’s been an pants day today, not great starting out on a venture such as this feeling a million miles away from the One who will make it happen, go smoothly and work in peoples lives. And entirely my fault.

But the sea looks blue, the clouds are dancing across the sky and the sun is shinning now. Somehow there will be One who can take my weakness and rebellion and work through it and inspite of it to transform lives. In the students from England and in the students over there. Thankfully His work doesn’t depend on how perfect I am or my level of sincerity about everything I do. Just going and being me is enough.

So if you pray, pray for us. I’ll be back early August for some holiday and endless chances to fill this blog with random quotes that inspire, amuse and entertain me.

Until then- “go and read a book- it’s so much more worthwhile”