The Long Walk Home

Profoundness escapes me. In fact it’s overrated. Like being normal. So overrated. (ten points for the song and artist).
So for those of you wasting time here, here’s one for you. Susan Kennedy has long been a hero of mine. A fact documented years ago on my door at Uni. She is a legend. She also has the dubious honour of being one of the only characters in neighbours to be able to act. A fact shown wonderfully this week. The Kennedy family were the only family to have been blessed with acting ability, watching Karl out act Izzy every time they were together was always a source of great amusement.

This latest story is just too heartbreaking. But at least it wil eventually pave the way for Susan and Karl to get back together and then the universe will be right again and we can go about as normal. Oh for that day.

To this: Bird York. I’ve just seen Crash, which led me to her. Beautiful haunting voice and lyrics.

In The Deep

Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don’t see it coming, now
you can’t stop yourself
now you’re out there swimming
in the deep

Life keeps tumbling you heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you’re out there spinning in the deep

Crash is a genius film. All based around the tagline: “You think you know who you are? You have no idea”. A film that explores who we are, the death of heros, villians or any other nice cardboard cutout images of humanity. A film that leaves us in the mess of realising that we aren’t anywhere near where we thought we were. A film that makes you laugh, gasp, and cry out loud. Go watch. Now.

Now to the real business of categorising the year just gone.
There is no real way to do this, who cares what the top ten films, songs, books etc were really. But for a flavour of my year. Here’s the top albums and books that transformed my world this year, the more observant will notice that they weren’t all produced this year, and that’s because this is all about me and my year, rather than the year itself. Are you following? Anyway. Let us begin.

Firstly let us eschew the numerical system. It serves only to get in the way of the list making, and how can I decide whether something scores higher on impact in my year than others? (I wrote that entire sentence so I could use the word eschew. I like it.)

Albums:

You know it’s coming so I’ll mention it first to get the inevitable over with.
Bright Eyes- I’m wide awake it’s morning.
Gladly I now own this Cd (Christmas being good for something) and again please buy it now. Songs that tear away your insides, words that leave you reeling and a voice to twist itself around your soul. I’ve gone on about this far to much but there you go. It was the only thing on my cd player for a month. That’s got to have an effect, surely.

Patti Smith- Horses
The first time I have bought an album that I ‘ought’ to own and loved it. It’s a classic, people go on about it, artists have been influenced by her, and it’s justified. I can see why. The first record that has scared me for a long long time.

Eddi Reader- Angels and Electricity.
This year was the year of discovering Eddi Reader, thanks to a wonderful friend. She has the saddest, most tender, most lovely voice and lyrics going. What can you do with a lyric like: “Please don’t ask me to dance, the skin remembers what the heart forgets, and I might do something that I regret.” The whole album settles over you a veil of tender sadness almost to hard to bear.

Jack Johnson- Inbetween Dreams
The soundtrack to my summer. Lazy evenings around a BBQ, summer sun shinning on the sea, walking around barefoot and watching waves lap the shore. Laid back and chilled.

KT Tunstall- Eye to the Telescope
It has songs that are fun and mean nothing, which is always good if you find yourself in an intense emotional turmoil and need some release. It also has songs that express all you might want to say to yourself or a friend, ‘Heal over’ and ‘Through the Dark’ being on endless repeat for the whole of September.

And some others, Magic Numbers, Laura Veirs, The Go Team, Psalm Drummers and lots of Paul Simon.

Books:

Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places- Eugene Peterson
Another, ‘you must buy this right now’, book. Finally finished it at Christmas and still surrounded by his wisdom and the reality of the God we live with. The challenge to live the reality of what we believe and be congruent people remains.

The five people you meet in heaven- Mitch Adern
Fascinating glimpse of how we attempt to make sense of our confusing lives and the point of our existence.

We need to talk about Kevin- Lionel Shriver
A book to seriously mess with your head and make you wonder why any of us reproduce. Again big questions as to why we are here, how to answer the Big Question in our lives and whether passing that question onto the next generation is really the same as answering it.

Harry Potter and the half blood prince- JK Rowling.
Ok so it’s not the best written book in the world, by a long way. But it still shook me up and made me cry on my birthday, and I did spend the whole summer reading it to a friend.

The Search for Intimacy- Elaine Storkey
Containing the best quote- head to the end of the October archives to check it out.

Conversations with Bono- Michka Assayas
I refuse to join the endless over-earnest ‘is Bono a Christian’ debate. Read the book, discover a man under Grace and be intrigued as ever at insight into a part of someone’s life.

So there you go. Do I understand the year just gone any better? Not really, but it’s been nice to revisit the companions I had along the way. It was a year, I messed up, God remained full of mercy. I made friends, I got to know some more people, I got to know friends in a deeper way, I did my job, I got it wrong, I encouraged people, I got jealous of some people, I fed people, I learnt to knit, I joined a band, I went to Bulgaria, Estonia, the Lake District, Cornwall and Devon. In short, I lived. God lived in me and did stuff. I got to see some of it, be a part of some of it and get in the way of some of it.

And now there is a new year. A new canvas to write on. The one who walked with me last year waits here holding out his hand and calling me on. I walk with him.

And so here’s a bit of Psalm 5, my hope for the year, my prayer for my mates and me.

“But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.”

And so it is. The new year has come. The new white pages have been scribbled on already and I’m back in the land of recordable thoughts and ideas. I really don’t want to make resolutions. They fail after the first attempt. But there is much I want to do in the next year, there are many hopes and fears that I have. Mainly they revolve around being faithful to the one who is faithful to me. This year depends on the continuation of His character as one who loves unfailingly, as one who has enough mercy to get me steadily closer to home.

The holiday was good, friends were seen, beaches were walked upon, family were hugged and sofas were sat upon. Many thoughts were thought. And now I am back in these lands of Hove wondering what is in store for us all in the new year. Whatever randomness may be expunged from this brain, whatever we face, whatever brilliant things happen, the only hope we really have is the old story. Of reality in this world. Of things that go beyond what we can see in front of our eyes.

Some old hymns that express just a little bit of that…

I cannot tell why He whom angels worship
Should set His love upon the sons of men
Or why, as shepherd, He should seek the wanderers
To bring them back, they know not how or when
But this I know, that He was born of Mary
When Bethlehem’s manger was His only home
And that He lived at Nazareth and laboured
And so the Saviour, Saviour of the world is come.

I cannot tell how silently He suffered
As with His peace He graced this place of tears
Or how His heart upon the cross was broken
The crown of pain to three and thirty years
But this I know, He heals the broken-hearted
And stays our sin and calms our lurking fear
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden
For yet the Saviour, Saviour of the world is here.

Tell me the old, old story,
Of unseen things above,
Of Jesus and His glory,
Of Jesus and His love;
Tell me the story simply,
As to a little child,
For I am weak and weary,
And helpless and defiled.

Tell me the old, old story,
Tell me the old, old story,
Tell me the old, old story,
Of Jesus and His love.

Tell me the story slowly,
That I may take it in–
That wonderful redemption,
God’s remedy for sin;
Tell me the story often,
For I forget so soon,
The “early dew” of morning
Has passed away at noon.

Sunsets on another year.
12 hours from now and the dawn will be rising.
Unknown lands lie beyond this night.
Yet you and I walk hand in hand.