Welcoming Ethan to the world…

Posted on November 7, 2012 by Kath

About 3 and a half years ago my excellent nephew Matthew was born, I was living with husbandface at the time but in our former guise as housemates rather than husband and wife.  Matthew was born around 2 in the morning and around 8.30am I remember a very tired happy brother phoning me and informing me of the newest member of the Arnold family.  My brother very sensibly phoned the right people in the right order on the morning of his birth – grandparents, aunts and uncles and then the rest of the world.

Former housemate, now husbandface, was bemused as we drove to church that night – why didn’t Mark just text everyone in his phone as soon as Matthew was born? I helpfully explained the protocol about these things. Housemateface then blithely said, ‘so if we got married you’d know that kind of thing’.

Um yes. If we got married.

Random thing to say to a housemate I’d say. But… 3 days later he asked me out and 9 months later we got married. And yes, I did know the correct order to tell people about the birth of our child and now it’s time for the blog post.

Here he is:

Our son, Ethan Peter Cunningham – Ethan means steadfast and that’s our prayer for him over the years – that he would be steadfast in life through knowing our steadfast God.

Ethan is in the bible – he was a wise man who could play the cymbals, lyre and harp – which may indicate another drummer in the family. Peter is the middle name all the boys on husbandfaces side of the family and means rock – another prayer that our boy would be a steadfast rock and cling to the one who is his steadfast rock in this world. He also has his own psalm, number 89 by his namesake.  It says important things like this:

1 I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever;
with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known
through all generations.
2 I will declare that your love stands firm forever,
that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself.

14 Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne;
love and faithfulness go before you.
15 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you,
who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.
16 They rejoice in your name all day long;
they celebrate your righteousness.
17 For you are their glory and strength,
and by your favor you exalt our horn.[d]
18 Indeed, our shield[e] belongs to the Lord,
our king to the Holy One of Israel.

We’re pretty smitten by our awesome son and are looking forward to seeing him grow and develop over the years. I’m slowly recovering from a somewhat traumatic birth (I’ll spare you the details…) and we’re adjusting to life as three of us. He arrived in perfect timing for the start of half term so Husbandface could have 3 weeks off before going back. Our church family have provided us with meals each night for which I can’t express how grateful we are and some sleep is happening (trying not to speak too soon). No doubt the little one will crop up from time to time on this fair blog as I get my head around life and God in this new existence but for now it’s good to be back and feeling awake enough to write again.

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What do we do with you?

Posted on October 24, 2012 by Kath

What do we do with you?

You whose ways are not our ways.

You who set the earth in place and yet skip like the young over mountains.

What do we do with you who will not be set into our ways, our times, our places?
What do we do with you when you seem so silent and far?
What do we do with you when you seem near enough to reach out and touch?
What do we do with you who will not fit into our plans, make our lives comfortable, do things that we want?

What do we do with you?

I cannot tame, control, manipulate or second guess you.

So I sigh, I turn, I rest my weary head, I gaze again and find

I am creature to your creator, daughter to my Father, recipient of a love never failing.

I am weak whilst you are strong.
I know little whilst you know the depths and heights of this universe.
I am dust whilst you are the rock eternal.
I am small, frail, helpless
You are good, wild, unfathomable and yet knowable.

You may not give me what I want and yet you give me you.
Help me be satisfied to stand in awe.

“Is – is he a man?” asked Lucy. “Aslan a man!” said Mr. Beaver sternly. “Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion, the Lion, the great Lion.” “Ooh,” said Susan, “I thought he was a man. Is he – quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.” “That you will, dearie, and make no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.” “Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy. “Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the king I tell you.” (The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe- CS Lewis)

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Contentment revisited…

Posted on October 23, 2012 by Kath

It was a new thought that dropped in to my consciousness this morning, from this blog post. It’s the radical realisation that contentment isn’t found in being thankful for our circumstances but in someone who reaches beyond our circumstances. I’m not sure how often I have been guilty of trying to work up contentment in my circumstances but I know I often think the cure for discontentment is looking around for the good in my life. That’s not a bad thing to do, being thankful is awesome and helps pessimists like me see that life is full of wonderous moments and joys even in the smallest detail.

Using this method to find contentment is a little bit dangerous, and it’s hit me like a hammer this morning. Contentment can only come from beyond our circumstances, as Paul says in the rather annoying bit at the end of Philippians when he talks about learning the secret of being content whether he has nothing or everything (really if you’ve got the secret it might be helpful to pass it on…). The clue might be in the verse that follows- “I can do all things through him who gives me strength”.  Not “I’ve written out my 5 things to be thankful for from today” (however helpful an exercise that might be) but “I know someone who goes beyond these circumstances and who is helping me.”

The thing dominating my head right now is the long wait for my body to turn the magic switch and for labour to begin. My horizons have narrowed down to the extreme.  It’s been hard to write in this last week because I am afraid of boring you all with the dullness of my thoughts: “when will he come?, what am I doing in the waiting? still waiting, argghghghghgh etc.”

Contentment is hard to come by for me and the husbandface right now.

I’m glad it isn’t found in a strange denial of how weird and hard this time is. It’s not found in me working myself up into a thankful frenzy  and then feeling crap because it’s still hard and being thankful didn’t really work. (of course I am deeply deeply grateful that there is a boy to await at all, we’re not taking the wonder of that for granted). Contentment won’t be found in a safe straightforward delivery, or even in the end result of our baby in our arms. Contentment won’t be found if all goes wrong and we look at our lives and start working up some thankfulness that we still have each other etc.

Contentment is found by gazing deep into the world beyond our circumstances right now, to the character of the one who is in charge, to the light and life that he offers, to his hand on the world, to his unfailing love, to his cross which changed everything, to his birth, death and resurrection. Contentment is found in Jesus. The one who doesn’t change, the one who is coming back, the one who made us, formed us, knows us and calls us on in this life. It’s found in the one who gives us strength whether we have plenty or lack everything.

He enables me to get up this morning and seek a mind of peace, not because of external blessings, as lovely as they are, but because he is here. Not because he will make everything go the way I want it to (grr) but because he is here. Not because I’ve managed to convince myself that all the many old wives tales as to how to bring on labour will work but because he is here.

And so I rest in him again and let these old words wash over my weary soul and trust that whatever happens in these next two weeks he will be holding our hands and helping us through these storms.

How sweet the Name of Jesus sounds
In a believer’s ear!
It soothes his sorrow, heals his wounds,
And drives away his fear.

It makes the wounded spirit whole,
And calms the troubled breast;
‘Tis manna to the hungry soul,
And to the weary rest.

Dear Name! the Rock on which we build;
Our shield and hiding-place;
Our never-failing treasury, filled
With boundless stores of grace.

Jesus, our Savior, Shepherd, Friend,
Our Prophet, Priest, and King;
Our Lord, our Life, our Way, our End,
Accept the praise we bring.

Weak is the effort of our heart,
And cold our warmest thought;
But when we see Thee as Thou art,
We’ll praise Thee as we ought.

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This is the day.

Posted on October 15, 2012 by Kath

This is the day.

Not some other day,

Some other world, some other time.

This is the day.

Today. This moment. This presence. These clouds lined with sunshine.

This is the day.

All I have is this

day that you have made.

You call me to rejoice, be glad, exalt, be, remember, live and breathe.

Today.

Psalm 118

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.
Let Israel say:
“His love endures forever.”
Let the house of Aaron say:
“His love endures forever.”
Let those who fear the Lord say:
“His love endures forever.”

In my anguish I cried to the Lord,
and he answered by setting me free.
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies

This is the day that the LORD has made,
let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

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Acedia 3

Posted on October 10, 2012 by Kath

It’s the final post in this mini series on acedia (which I still have no idea how to pronounce…).  Today we’re looking on how to deal with it and how some kind of recovery might be found.

 

 

“We must start small. Often my first act of recovery is doing something as menial as dusting a bookshelf or balancing my checkbook.  If I am tempted to devalue such humble activities, I remember that acedia descended on Anthony as soon as he went to the desert, but when he prayed to be delivered from it he was shown that any physical task, done in the right spirit, could free him… Under acedia’s siege I might ask: Why vow myself to a spouse if it is “until death do us part”? We all due anyway and even our sun will one day burn itself out destroying life as we know it on earth. Does this mean that I don’t need to bother about loving or living, here and now? I am better off asking: Why is it that acedia brings such thoughts to the table just as I would feast on life’s bounty? Only then can I fight back, embracing love and commitment as a source of strength and peace instead of despondency. Only then will I have defeated acedia, at least for now.”

I love this quote mainly because of the last line, some might say that’s typical of a fairly pessimistic personality but I think it’s genius. It’s a quote that gives helpful ways to deal with acedia, carrying on doing the mundane, keeping on walking through it and questioning it’s assumptions in our minds. It’s also a quote that is realistic. So many of the struggles of our lives are ones that don’t go away easily. We often think that life is like some kind of neat progression of dealing with our issues one by one until they’ve all gone away and we are some kind of weird perfect version of ourselves able to sail through life like a beautiful swan with nothing to flap us, able to cope with anything.

Let me stamp on that lie now.

STAMP.

It’s a lie.

Our struggles don’t go. Sorry about that. Sure, some might. I’ve known God remove a sin from my life, that I struggled with for years, overnight. I know he can do it but I also know it’s not his normal way of working. I know he helps us deal with our struggles, I know he loves us in our struggles, I know that one glorious sunny day he will make us new and shiny and we will never struggle again. I love the line at the end of the above quote for this reason, defeat of acedia in this life is an ongoing battle. It comes and goes and comes back again. I think that each time it comes back we might be slightly better equipped for the battle but the battle is still there nonetheless.

There are helpful ways to fight the battle well. Having a community around us who we are committed to is a vital part of helping us keep going through the darkness. It is good to learn the discipline of keeping our commitments, living out the life of love we are called to rather than abandoning them along with all hope.  Living in the rhythms of community life matter even when they lose their sense of meaning and purpose. Acedia lies to our minds, telling us that the beautiful truth we believe in and live by is a big fat lie.  Carrying on with the rhythms that remind us of truth, however untrue it feels, helps so much in the fight.

Recently my excellent brother and sister in law gave me a book of prayer to pray each day.  I read a Psalm, a bit of the bible and a set prayer, there is time for quiet, time for prayer and time to reflect on what God is saying to me. I love it for those dark days when all I can do is read the set bits out loud and know I’m part of a wide community who believe these truths and have done for many many centuries. It reminds me I’m part of something bigger than the lies in my head, it speaks truth to my soul when all within me wants to reject and turn from that truth. Weapons like this are invaluable in the fight against acedia.

Short term recovery is possible from the depths of acedia.  The darkness does lift and we can live life with vitality again. We battle on and are better equipped next time it hits. We put things in place to keep us in the fight when the storm comes. We struggle and fall, doubt and despair and still we are held. Long long term recovery will come one day when the sun shines out in splendor and we will be welcomed into the world of home. Until then, we need to keep being honest about the fight, the ongoing issues that do not leave and we need to hold each other close in that fight knowing that we have one who will not give up on us however much we give up on him.

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