On processing bad mental health weeks…

I never know how much to post these types of posts. On the one hand I know I write to know we aren’t alone and so I think being open about this will help someone at least.

On the other hand I fear the voices that tell me I’m attention seeking or self pitying. I’m pretty sure those voices are part of the black dog experience and so I shall push past them in the hope that it’s always good to talk about the realities of hard mental health weeks and good for others to know that they aren’t the only one.

Anyway. Here we go. I haven’t had a week like this for a long time but I’ve remembered that naming what is going on is the start of finding my way out of the tangled thickets I’ve got stuck in.

And the black dog says:

The swirling mass of dark approaching says:

The blanket over my eyes, the glass box I am trapped in, watching the world goes by, says:

You are too much 

You are worthless 

You will drive everyone away with this need 

You are hopeless 

You can never do what you say you will 

You are the problem 

You are failing them 

You are an imposter 

You are too messed up to be of help to anyone 

You need to grow up 

You should be able to handle this by now 

You should be able to sort life out 

You are disqualified 

Out on the scrap heap 

Forgotten 

Alone

Disconnection 

Disorientation 

Damaging wounds 

I sit and wait. 

For the one with the light to come 

Rushing over the hills 

Holding out the glowing jewel like Raya and her friends 

Against this swirling mass of fear and shame.

I sit and wait.

They’ve always come

They will again. 

I will see things in their right perspective, I will smile again, I will know peace, I will know connection. I will be able to reach out in love. 

I sit and wait.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to On processing bad mental health weeks…

  1. Christine says:

    What a privilege to dive into your blogs. I treasure your honesty and vulnerability. And your courage to name your thoughts and feelings that are trying to hold you down and back but you bring them out of the closet and into the open. Yes, yes, yes. Keep on talking about periods, and you going slowly right now, trusting the wisdom of your body against all other “shoulds“ and „ought to“.
    It inspires me to read your thoughts, how you hold on to and find God in what is around you.
    Journeying with you on the long walk home!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s