Weekly round up. Once more.

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I squint at my watch. 

4.40. 

The small boy next to me wiggles and whispers a cute wakey wakey in my ear. 

I growl a shhhhhh and turn over, he mutters back into sleep and I listen to funny women on my latest podcast obsession. The ladies of Standard Issue (well worth a listen) amuse me back into a coma until. 

6.35. 

The small one grabs my face with his tiny hands. One day he won’t want to do this and so I begrudgingly breathe in his gorgeousness until he cries out ‘I want the grumpy one’. Er. The grumpy what? The grumpy suit instead of the happy one? I switch the light on and we confusingly rub our eyes at each other until he demands carries down the ‘dairs. 

I stumble into coffee. 

We all navigate each other in the morning. Sometimes well. Sometimes not so well. 

The small ones run down the hill to school. Vague goodbyes, faces already absorbed in the fun in front of them. 

Lighter I walk up the hill. 

Clothes exchanged for running gear and I head up and down hills, my brain chugs away on self analysis and just why I was sad this morning. More to dump at my counsellors door this coming week. 

Red faced I return to the house, dancing long to songs from years and years ago, awaking memories and a sense of me before all of this. 

I run for the bus. Make it. Sit down. Write. Head up. We are here. 

Opening the door to a friend’s coffee shop. Warmth and familiarity hitting my gaze, hugs, smiles and joy as I sit and drink coffee. 

Three friends. We sit and chat. And chat and chat some more. Skimming stones of conversations. Inspiring other thoughts and topics. Jumping around and pouring out. So many thoughts, threads and themes.

Now back on the bus. Head aching from no lunch yet and listening hard.

So much to process from our conversation, thoughts to write down and spill out. 

Pause

It’s easier to write descriptive pieces.

But.

In the spirit of this being a round up of the week and not just a day in the life thing…

We’ve had another normal week. With our ordinary issues. Dealing with son1’s grumps post school. Trying to get son2 to not shout his demands like a mini dictator at us. Getting back into running. Seeing friends. Celebrating another year of my Mum. Sleepless nights. Big Bang Theory. Walking up and down and up and down the hill. Miscommunication. Not really understanding myself or why I am reacting the way I am. Some connections and theories rising to the surface.  Assurances of love. Meals with new friends. A walk on the downs in the sunny sunshine. Noting once more the new space we dwell in right now. Working through the monthly budget. Smiles. Cuddles. Tears. Peace. Tentatively exploring all things enneagram and the start of knowing ourselves more. The joy of conversations all through the week about this muddled thing we call life.

It’s been ordinary on one level and yet still extraordinary. Having energy to hang out with others is a new thing. We are still adjusting to what we can and can’t handle. Getting back to trying to communicate beyond what is necessary with each other is still a new thing in our life together. I want to remember to talk about what is in my head. Because, you know, we can do that again. 

These days of space at the end of the week are wonderful but I’m slowly discovering that life expands to fill whatever space there is. If I want to write then I must make time. These days will always be full of running, cleaning, people and reading. Those are my natural go to things which require very little from me to make happen.

There will be few moments of twiddling my thumbs thinking ‘ooo I shall write now’. If I want it to happen I need to make it happen. Which makes me wonder if actually I’m just happy hanging out, going with the flow of stuff to do rather than making an intentional space.  Or.  Maybe I’m scared of the space. Who knows. One to think about some more.

Right, somehow pick up time has rolled around again.

Happy Friday one and all.

How was your week?

 

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