It’s Sunday evening. The boys are late to bed tonight. Naps in the car on the way back from our church weekend away have ensured we are listening to CBeebies radio whilst they try and sleep and I am drinking wine already hoping that soon they can drift off so I can raid the chocolate supply I bought earlier from Asda. (CBeebies radio at this time of evening feels like some kind of weird hypnosis with voices inbetween programmes telling us in soporific voices to close our eyes and go to sleep. So far I’m the only person it seems to be working on…)
It’s been an interestingly up and down week in our life. The first week back after half term. Thankfully routines worked again for our stability and sanity in the first half of the week.
Thursday afternoon is my worst point at the moment. We’ve run out of energy post the weekend and beginning of the week and I’m full of weary tiredness with no energy for the boys. This week was no exception. By the end of Thursday I was grumpy and sad.
Drumming helped cure the misery for a bit and the arrival of Mum and Dad to help out on Friday was a welcome relief. Good friends listening to our story and feeding us curry on Friday night provided another excellent start to the weekend.
We’ve noticed this week that we feel in a catch 22 situation, in desperate need of community but too exhausted to make the inroads into community that we need to. We have felt isolated and alone, bar some excellent friends and our Godfamily whose consistent support is a lifeline in these times. We sat and poured out our heart to our friends on Friday night and then prayed. With our tiny, fingernails barely holding on, faith we prayed for miracles on our church weekend away.
It’s been a year since our last church closed and there is still deep grief over lots of aspects of that closure. In the end I think it was the right decision that we ended but there was much pain in that ending. Our new church feels like an amazing fit, God keeps showing up to reassure me, restore me and remind me of reality each week and I’ve been able to be useful there already. However, it’s not been been easy to feel more connected as a couple and a family. Husbandface has been so unable to come along recently and we have such small windows to reach out to others.
I was a little worried about the weekend away and hoping for God to show up. Thankfully prayers were answered. Me and the boys had a beautiful day there on Saturday, we loved hanging around outside all day, I loved the chance to chat to more people in a deeper way whilst the boys bounced on inflatables. I enjoyed rambling a bit about God and parenting helping out at a seminar in the blazing sun. The boys made new friends and we drove home happy and refreshed. Today husbandface managed to come out with us and had good chats with someone in a similar situation. We felt cared for and part of community life again. Tendrils of hope have swung into view.
The road ahead is still fairly relentless but it was lovely to sit a while in some shade, drink refreshing water and feel able to keep on going.