Setting sail…

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Dear Lord, the sea is so big, and my boy is so small…

And so we are here, the final evening of a lovely 6 weeks of change in routine, of co-parenting fully with the ever lovely husbandface, of home improvements, watching boys grow and change, going on holiday, returning from holiday, seeing friends and generally living life a bit differently. It’s been one of the best since we got married, each year we learn how to give each other the space we need to do the things we love and learn how to enjoy life together as a family. Son1’s scrapbook of the last few weeks tells a story of fun times with friends, visiting amazing gardens, embracing new experiences such as going to the cinema (toddler time rocks at our local cinema), visiting delightful places on holiday and enjoying the family and friends we are hugely blessed with.

At the end of the holiday I feel like I’ve had a holiday, rest has come upon my body, sleep has been increased and my soul has had time to remember it’s Maker. I’ve been musing all holiday on the answer to the question, ‘what do I do?’. My conclusion is: a lot. I live a multi stranded life that is full of boys, friends, writing, directing our small groups at church and more.

Most of my life right now is taken up with loving and caring for the small ones entrusted to my care. It won’t always be this way. Change is slowly afoot as I delve deeper into the world of life with two preschoolers. The short baby year is coming to an end. Son2 is desperate to communicate, follow his older brother everywhere and express all his feelings. A toddler is about to emerge.

Son1 is starting nursery this week, for an afternoon and morning a week he’ll be with people I don’t know that well, having experiences I can’t control or help him through at the time. It’s a scary prospect but it’s also a wonderful prospect. He will encounter other adults who will get to know him and care for him, he’ll carry on learning how to interact with people when I’m not around, hopefully he’ll make new friends and we’ll work through the ups and downs of the whole experience together. I shall start to learn how to advocate for my son when I am not sure what has been going on and grow a relationship with the people who work at the nursery. It’ll be an oh so slow start towards the world of school. I shall get some time with son2 on his own and enjoy some focused time with him.

We will all take up a new routine, enjoy hanging out together, take classes and see our friends. Life carries on with the boys.

I hope to have more mental space to write, to take an evening a week to focus on writing and doing it well. I will be steering this good ship towards half term, supporting the husbandface as he starts his new job in the school he’s been at for a while now. I shall attempt to love him well through the inevitable exhaustion and insane non stop world of term time. I also want to love my church family well, to enable our small groups to flourish and grow.

Most of all I want to be content.

This is a good life but my soul always yearns for more, for a ministry job I can explain and do, for fame and fortune. I don’t often want the ways of sacrifice for my boys, I want easy days, days where I don’t have to have limpets stuck to me or explain for the 100th time why we don’t throw things in the house. I want days where I don’t get cross or frustrated because my almost 3 year old and almost 1 year old act their ages.

This summer I sensed the Maker once more telling me to trust in the sacrifice, to know it is worth it as I seek to lavish love as it has been lavished on me. I long to deeply breathe that air of trust and enjoy this life. I long to taste and see that he is good and that my life is seen by the one who counts.

Your correspondent, launching out into the storms of the year ahead with hope and some growing trust.

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One Response to Setting sail…

  1. Once again, how this has spoken truth to me. I haven’t had Laurence home but my parents were with us for six weeks, which offered a lot of change. And now, as we resettle into a routine where I’m the sole adult in the house, I need to re-learning all that you’ve spoken about so beautifully here.

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