More thoughts…

IMG_2094Tomorrow our small squirmy son becomes a year old. He’s survived a year in this crazy world and more importantly we’ve survived a year looking after him. It’s been a year where I have learnt more and more about myself and our God.

I’ve discovered some of the meaning of perseverance and sacrifice in ways I have never before. Part of me has died in this last year and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I can no longer kid myself that life is all about me or all about husbandface. Suddenly we have a clear small teacher that we aren’t the centre of the universe. Other things in life keep on teaching us all this in different ways depending on our circumstances but he’s been our teacher this year.

As I’ve dragged myself out of bed time and time again to soothe him and help him get back to sleep (why O why don’t they come with sleep buttons?) I’ve learnt that I’m not very compassionate and gracious. I’ve discovered new levels of anger and frustration as my desires have been killed and my lack of control has been exposed.

In short I’ve learnt more of my sin. I’ve raged against God and ignored him at times because he doesn’t seem to answer my cries for sleep. Turns out he had better plans on offer. I’ve come to the end of myself many times and yet he has patiently picked me up off the floor and given me energy to keep on doing this day after day, night after night. Despite my resentful attitude and despair he has been at work.

He’s used this year to teach me that he is the wise gracious compassionate parent. God has been teaching me of his endless patience with us as he carries on loving us through our pride, stubbornness, grumpiness and constant thought that we know best.

The God of all the universe, the wild untameable one who caused the angels to shout for joy, the wise one who pours out love on weak silly humans in the face of their small weird ways has been holding onto us this year. The one who knitted sonface in my womb, who brought him into the world safely, has kept us and enabled us to keep on trying to imitate his love as we care for our son.

We are glad of another year of his faithfulness and perseverance with us. We are grateful that he has helped us look after our boy and we look to the future with hope because the day has always followed the night and one day we will live our glorious forever day with no more darkness.

Here’s to many more years of sonface and a God who works so brilliantly in our lives.

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