All this week I’ve been feeling weak and weary, weary of trying to get the boy to eat things, weary of his limpet like qualities, weary of no sleep, weary of endless piles of washing, weary of my lack of patience, weary of an aching body, weary of the anger that rises so quickly, weary of being out of control, weary of lack of predictability in our days. You get the picture, I’ve been feeling weary.
In amongst this weariness I’ve also had Isaiah 40 going around my head. It’s tempting, if you been a Christian a while, to skip through this passage with overfamiliarity, it’s so obvious, people read it all the time, it appears on greetings cards and, like the band that everyone likes, it seems a little too popular to be any good. I know, a ridiculous way to approach bits of the Bible. Nevertheless I fall into the over-familiar trap all too often. There is, after all, a reason everyone loves Isaiah 40, it paints an incredible picture of our God in all his hugeness and all his tenderness.
Verses I can’t escape turn around in my mind and bring perspective to this weary place I seem to be in. This is what God is like:
“He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.”
He’s a shepherd, he looks after his people, he gathers them in his arms, he carries them close to his heart and he gently leads those that have young. Through my sleep deprived days it is good to know that as I fumble through the days, as my body creaks and groans, as my arms ache that I have one who is gently leading me. There is hope in the midst of these days, I have a God who is gentle with me. Through my frustrated tears I once more say sorry for my lack of gentleness, for my frustration and rage and rest in the arms of the one who carries me and my boy close to his heart.
“Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.”
It is always good to know that God doesn’t grow tired and weary. Our lives are so full of events that make us weary. Unanswered prayers, situations that feel like they will never change, the frustrations of being misunderstood, the fear of being alone, the worry about what the future will bring. Through all of our weary days God is the one who doesn’t grow tired or weary and who hasn’t forgotten us. Our cause is not hidden from him. Whatever we are going through he knows about it. He doesn’t forget his people, although we are as small as grasshoppers. He is a God we can hope in.
And so I rest my weary soul in Him. I seek after his forgiveness and take refuge in his gentle arms of love which surround me. Gradually he breaks down my spiky, frustrated, angry craziness. Slowly I begin to remember that I am loved. Slowly I begin to hope for light in this darkness. My hard crusty heart softens in the warmth of the everlasting.