“There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a… a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know… a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle… and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.” (Troy- Reality Bites)
So, last night I watched Reality Bites again, one of the original post-modern angst, what is the meaning of life?, what is this world all about?, lets get lost under a mire of existential musings, films. Worth a watch. But also confusing for my brain; did I watch this film as a teenager and let it shape the rest of my thinking; or am I merely watching it reflect some of my own thinking on the nature of this world? Did I really get my love of the details from this line in the film, or is it just reflecting back to me some of my own ideas on what I love about this life? I suppose I love the details because of the craftsman that invented the details. I love that the maker knows the small things about our lives, the things that are often overlooked.
In a way I agree with Troy, life feels like this lots of the time. Meaningless, but the details are brilliant. I do live for those moments, the ones like today when the sun shines through your windows and if you catch it in time you can hear the sound of summer in the distance. Sitting on the steps at night looking at the moon. Walking into your house and discovering your housemate is in and wants to get pizza and watch a film. Reading Isaiah 53 and crying at the story of the cross all over again. The warmth of a duvet around you. The song that makes you cry… Hang on, I know where I got all this from.
Adrian Plass is to blame, not Troy from Reality Bites. Read this:
“,…another note, a sweet, high, flute like noise filled the church, mixing with the lower one to produce a sound that made you want to weep as soon as you heard it. It was like so many things, that I made a list afterwards.
It was like the end of a beautiful piece of music.
Like waking after a nightmare.
Like laughing when the pain has gone.
Like finding a light switch in the dark.
Like an ice cold drink on a hot day.
Like suddenly knowing you are loved.
Like perfect weather.
Like the end of a happy film that made you cry.
Like finishing a jig-saw puzzle.
Like knowing that everything will be looked after and sorted out/
Like discovering that someone was in charge all the time.
Like peace.” (Adrian Plass- An Alien at St Wilfreds)
It is lists like this, like the Costal Dune song ‘Gratified’, like the moment Troy has in Reality Bites, that makes me think life is worth living. Because they make me ache inside for something else. C.S Lewis said it was the sign that we are made for eternity. That we long for these moments to continue. To last. And these moments make us homesick for a place we have never seen.
So my thoughts, like my sins, are so unoriginal, but that’s ok. There is little new under the sun. But there is beauty in the details. And there is a place full of those details. A place worth longing and aching for. There is a bigger picture made up of these small moments, interactions, joys and sorrows that make up our lives. One day we’ll get to see that. *happy sigh*