One more day to get through for the small overtired ones.
One more day until we remember the heart of this story we are all part of, a God who stepped into the world as one of us. A God who is our with us. Our Emmanuel. One more day.
The wonder of today was found through tired eyes once more: Managing 6am food shopping. Planning the vague plan for the Christmas Day service and getting excited about the stuff of Christmas pointing to the bigger realities that make up our lives. Making us all have some vit D with a walk along the seafront. Naps on the sofa. Cuppa with my lovely friend who feels like part of family. Taking the super crazy small ones to the park and enjoying maybe at least 30 minutes of seeing the fresh air work it’s magic on their tired bodies. Oh and this beautiful song sent to me by the lovely Binface which made me cry.
(Son1: “What would I call her if I didn’t call her Auntie Binface?)
Angels from the realms of glory,
Wing your flight o’er all the earth;
Ye who sang creation’s story,
Now proclaim Messiah’s birth
Come and worship,
Come and worship,
Worship Christ, the newborn King!
Shepherds, in the fields abiding,
Watching o’er your flocks by night,
God with man is now residing,
Yonder shines the infant Light;
Come and worship,
Come and worship,
Worship Christ, the newborn King!
O little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
The silent stars go by
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting Light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight
It came upon the midnight clear, that glorious song of old
From angels bending near the earth to touch their harps of gold
Peace on the earth, goodwill to men, from heav’n’s all gracious king
The world in solemn stillness lay to hear the angels sing.
Still through the cloven skies they come with peaceful wings unfurl
And still their heavenly music floats, O’er all the weary world.
Above its sad and lowly plains they bend on hovering wing
And ever o’er its Babel sounds the blessed angels sing.
O ye, beneath life’s crushing load, whose forms are bending low
Who toil along the climbing way with painful steps and slow
Look now for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing
O rest beside the weary road and hear the angels sing.
For lo the days are hastening on, by prophets seen of old
When with the ever circling years shall come the time foretold
When the new heaven and earth shall own the prince of peace their King
And the whole world send back the song which now the angels sing.
It’s the sad weary beauty of that last one which gets me every time. (also son1’s very right question of why are these songs all about men? Maybe there is hope for the next generation…)
A sermon on peace, shalom, wholeness, flourishing. Trying to work out what that looks like in our family of over exhausted, over stimulated boys and, let’s face it, adults. Trying to curb the instinct to fill all time and remember to go slow. We all need it. It is not failure to rest and stop.
Catching up with our lovely Godson and his family. Warmth of familiar spaces and people.
Deciding not to take most of the weary in our family to the Carol Service tonight, one kind of had to be there for AV duties but the rest of us are early bed and rest. Hoping the rest works on the pale faces and dark circled eyes.
When you and your family have hit the wall of extreme tiredness.
Incredibles 2. Masterchef. Library. Counting Christmas lights on the way home from the Library.
Weary bones.
Grateful of reminders that into the deepest dark the light dawned. We who remain in the darkness this world often offer wait, watch and long for the final dawn. Light will come.
“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. 3 You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy;” Isaiah 9
“The Light shines on in the [c]darkness, and the darkness did not understand it or overpower it or appropriate it or absorb it [and is unreceptive to it].” John 1
“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Psalm 18
“because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven 79 to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” Luke 1
30 hours to ourselves thanks to the amazing grandparents doing school runs and an overnight with the boys.
Star Wars, spa treatments, cocktails,reminiscing about the last 10 years, amazing food, quiet reading time, the sanctuary of home after being away, tv and naps. Listing the many many people who have enabled us to keep being married and sane in this world. Small boy cuddles at pick up today. The start of the holidays. Working through son1’s difficulty in transitions and the unstructured nature of holidays. Writing a visual timetable together for him to update each day.
Paying attention to the gifts to get to the giver. Reminders that we are frail and yet held. Loved through the imperfection of our nature. Always in covenant however we feel we are doing in that arrangement.
It’s that time of year when I get to say we used to look like this:
And now we look like this:
Still smiling like goons.
Today marks the end of our first decade together. 10 years ago we set out on a snowy morning towards a church in Hove. Family and friends waited in the freezing cold to watch us say/cry to each other that this was it. The end of two separate stories. The start of another story together.
All the way through our very short engagement I had the image in my mind of us in a waiting room, one side made up of glass. Through that glass we could see out across a new world, hills, valleys, forests, mountains, rivers and lakes stretched out before us. The room had two doors. One back to the world we had come from and one forward into this new one. The forward door had a time lock on it counting down to December 19th 2009.
On that day 10 years ago we made big promises to each other as we opened the door to the future. For better or worse. Richer or poorer. In sickness and in health we would love and be for each other. We gave ourselves to each other. All that we have. For the other. We stepped through the door and entered this new land.
And what a land it has been. Full of wonder, sunlight streaming down, full of laughing, hoping and dreaming as we’ve walked through it together. And full of raging storms, endless fog, trudging weary moments. Full of waiting for each other when it got too hard, full of being joined by two small companions in the journey.
The land feels deeper and more real the more we have meandered through it together. The more we explore, the more we see how big it is. The more we journey together the more we see the depths and richness of each other.
I love this companion of mine. I am in awe of how we were joined together all those years ago. I am amazed that out of situations of lack and little hope that his hand found its way into mine. I am so deeply grateful for the ways journeying with him has changed me. I love his influence on my life, the ways he cares and encourages me to flourish.
I love his generous caring heart. I love his bouncy brain which loves new things and I love his deep need for routine and the safety of home. I love the complexity which makes him him. I love the way he helps make us more than the sum of just one plus one. I love his ridiculous sense of humour. I love his warmth, his optimism and his beautiful face.
I love that we are working on this life together. I love being team with him and I’m still in for winning the fight to be for each other. I feel like I’ve benefitted enormously from his energy in helping me own my voice, be more who I am each day and honouring me for who I am. I hope I do some of the same for him.
I love that our Maker brought us together, I have no other explanation for the bizarre way we met and the ways love was born. I love, and know, that our Maker has helped us love and hold on to each other in the ups and downs of these years.
I could say more but this is probably enough for you to get the idea that I’m very grateful for the last decade of our lives together and immensely glad of the next one ahead of us.
I’ll leave you with a somewhat left field choice of song to sum up my feelings at the moment. Teo Torriatte by Queen. It’s a song I’ve been replaying over and over again this year. It’s last chorus pretty much sums up all I feel.
“Let us cling together as the years go by, oh my love my love, in the quiet of the night, let our candle always burn, let us never lose the lessons we have learnt”.
Lots of the last few years have felt like clinging on in the quiet of the night and I think we are better for it. This song also has big wondrous loud choruses which express that the clinging sung about is full of joy and gladness. I too am full of joy and gladness because of the last 10 years of being married to my favourite and best. So raise your glasses to the lovely husbandface and here’s to the next 10 years.
Full disclosure: We also irritate each other, get grumpy, still have no idea how to manage or indeed have conflict and could do with many lessons on how to communicate. But he’s mine and I’m his and onward we go.
The Long Walk Home 