Goodbye to 2021…

So. It’s New Year’s Eve. A time when we like to lean on the gate of the year and look back and then forward to what might lie ahead. I’m in the process of sorting out my photos from the last year.

As I’ve done so I’ve been reminded of the goodness that seeped through every crack of the year that was 2021. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for our friends, the fun we had, the amazing world we saw, the camping trips, the fun with family and friends, the beauty all around and the good mental health for both of us to step out on an adventure, however hard some of that adventure feels right now.

As I looked through the photos it was also good to be reminded that our youngest struggled this year massively. That his struggles here might be magnified by the move but this year has been underpinned by us coming to terms with realising how much we need to help him and us and our eldest navigate whatever is going on in his head.

It’s a helpful reminder to gaze back through the year, to trace the reasons we came out, to be reminded that they are still strong and true reasons and, in the midst of grief, to look up with hope to the possibilities of the year ahead. We have been loved so well this year and hopefully have loved others well. Whatever 2022 holds I venture forth knowing that this next year is not about carving out the perfectly balanced life but about the mess and pain of love, the keeping on getting up and loving over and over again kind of love.

Thankfully this is the kind of love I am loved with by the Maker of all this beauty I see before me each day, the kind of love which battles on through the night.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love an ordered boundaried life where I get loads of space to read and walk and reflect and write. One day it might happen.

For now I snatch moments in the slow times, the screen times, the interludes in the mix of messy imperfect days.

For now I sit on my sofa. I am glad and grateful. I am tender with my hopes and dreams which feel out of reach right now. I sit and I am glad I am here. Looking forward to New Year’s Eve feasting with my lovely extended family. Looking forward with possibility into 2022 knowing that there is One who walks with me into it. Who holds, knows, sees and loves.

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