I started this series a couple of weeks ago, so I might as well carry it on. If only for a record of these days. I find it strange to notice how many weeks are going past and how long this time has felt. It feels like much longer than a month ago that ‘normal’ life existed.
We’ve had a very contrasting couple of weeks. Holy Week was lovely, I felt full of energy and awareness of the One who made me, who walked this life as a human and who holds us in these times. Easter was a lovely focus for work and for our life as a family. I had kind of been building up to it for the whole of the first part of lockdown. Getting to Easter seemed like an achievable goal.
No surprise really that the last week has been one of crashing, burn out, exhaustion, tears, a body giving up on my punishing run schedule for a bit (husbandface points out that going from running 15km in a week to about 35km might be a bit too much), breaks in routine with the boys, more grumps, shouting and a whole lot of wanting to give up.
The post Easter crash was pretty big around here. I was able to have a morning in bed on Friday whilst the boys and husbandface played with the super cool Nintendo Labo (combining high tech with old fashioned cardboard box modelling makes us all happy). I managed to shout out some prayer needs to some people from church and friends afar which helped me feel less alone. It also helped me be convinced again that prayer works and is a super practical thing we can do for each other in this odd place of not being able to rush around to be an actual physical presence of support.
I took the rest of the day slow and woke up today with some remembering of who I am and how loved I am (thanks to all who prayed, apparently prayer can work…). I cleaned the whole house (a sign that my mind is much better than it’s been all week) and we went up to the woods to find the carpets of bluebells that make my spring soul sing each year.
I am grateful to nature for doing the same old things regardless of this pandemic. The daffodils have been and gone, primroses are scattered all over the front lawn, the cherry blossom outside our house is emerging bright once more, the bluebells and forget-me-nots are now all over the estate we live on and the leaves are blazing luminous green on all the trees. I am so grateful for this time of year, for the never ending cycle of life which is helping me stay rooted in today. I am glad to be reminded that there are some unchanging certainties in this world and they come around year after year.
This week we’ll attempt some kind of school type activity each morning and get back into our home learning routine rather than holiday routine (not a whole lot of difference to be honest.) We will enjoy our woods still, I will continue to read The Animals of Farthing Wood from our picnic blanket whilst the boys climb trees and drink hot chocolate. I might run on a slightly less insane schedule. I shall try and remember that God is my enough and able to help me in these times rather than just the endorphins (much as I love the endorphins). We will clap and cry and wave at neighbours on Thursday night. We will pray for this situation to be resolved. I will sit with my boys in their sadness at missing their friends. I will feel my own sadness at this odd world. My course starts up again and I will learn a new skill in Spiritual Direction online (pretty good to have the opportunity to try that out). Work will carry on in different, intriguing, ways. I shall reach out and be honest and we will stumble on.