I’m feeling in the mood for a roundup of our times. It is the last day of term. Tomorrow we drive up to the Lake District for the start of the holidays and a return to my favourite place in the world.
Mostly we are in good shape. I’ve packed the van thanks to an excellent friend taking son2 off for the morning. The heat is making me very sleepy and I’m looking forward to finally being able to stop thinking about packing and get on the road in the morning.
We’ve been rolling along life for the last few weeks, undulating up and down, nothing too major, nothing too minor. Here are some of the highlights:
We’ve been loving our new van, combining the car and old van into one multi purpose van was the best plan. It’s a great layout inside and works well as a weekly transporter or longer get away vehicle. She’s called Hope because I want to lean into the reality that I can dare to hope in this world and not just sit and feel overwhelmed by circumstances.
I’ve come to the end of a block of counselling recently, it’s been a great journey of reaching into the past, not being scared of it anymore. I’m owning the affects it’s had but also enjoying it not defining who I am now. I’ve been working on loving my inner critic so she doesn’t need to beat me up anymore and enjoying the unfathomable reality that I am enough. It’s been a good journey and I think I have much to work through moving forward. I recommend counselling. Go get yourself some time to process life.
I’ve applied and got onto a course to train to be a Spiritual Director. Starting in October I’ll be heading to London every Tuesday evening to ponder how to walk with people through this journey of faith thing. One day faithinavan will be a reality and I’ll be offering Spiritual Direction from a camper van. I’ve loved reading Sue Pickering’s book about Spiritual Direction and the joy of finding something I think I was made for.
Somehow in the midst of all of that we appear to be coming to the end of the preschool years. Son2 starts reception in September. I have all the feelings. I feel somewhat unready for the changes. I have the feeling of having learnt how to have babies, toddlers and small people and now having to learn a new set of skills. (If you have read Quentin Blake’s Zagazo you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t go get it now!).
Aside from that. I think really I am ready. Ready for some new adventures with the time freed up. Ready to guide the small ones through the new stuff they will face. Ready to enjoy them and delight in them over the summer. Ready for books, hugs, baking, laughing, exploring, cycling, scooting, parks, wide open outside spaces and the beach. Ready for the fights and the making up and all the ups and downs of small boys finding their way through this world.
On Wednesday I sat in a park having a picnic with an Arrdvark Music group, we haven’t been to a session for about a year but Arrdvarks music was one of the pillers to keep me sane in the tiny people years. Songs of New York City life, songs about bagels, taxis and big old trees. Songs that didn’t want to make me poke myself in the eye like the nursery rhymes of old. We sang along and it felt fitting to end son2s preschool years with one last group. I looked around and knew I didn’t fit anymore. My boys are growing up. Life is changing and that’s really all ok. We are moving into the next stage and this summer will mark the transition. I’m looking forward to more chilled times with the boys and trying to remember the good moments when they are trying to kill each other.
And so we are off for some fun in the van. I’m going to clear my phone of social media and emails and just use it for music, maps and staring at the weather for the best day to head to the lovely Buttermere, my physical place of most joy in this world. I’m going to attempt to enjoy the simplicity of one place, one set of people, one focus for a week. See you on the flip side.