Somehow we’ve made it through our last week of being out of routine. Next week husbandface starts his new job, son2 will start at his new nursery and we will plunge into some kind of new normal.
This week has mainly been about fighting the large black cloud of January. I really struggle with this month. It’s been hideously dark in the days and I am finding no motivation to live well. I know I need to eat well, run and read in order to thrive in this life. Somehow hiding on the sofa under a blanket whilst consuming every last sweet thing in the house feels much more satisfying. Except it’s not. I wouldn’t mind if it was. But. I operate better with regular exercise and eating vaguely healthy things. This week it’s all gone a bit wrong…
The small voice of self kindness is whispering in the back of my mind. Something about being slow, kind, gentle and patient with myself. Something about my worth being bound up in a great love that transcends circumstances, choices that aren’t all that great and the dark gloom that encircles me.
The black dog has loomed large this week but there are things that can shrink it.
The good in the midst of the bad and ugly has been:
Some nights in my bed without the smallest one on my face. Slowly we make progress with his sleep- thanks to the amazing patience of the lovely husbandface.
Fun times with the boys. Being amused by their interactions and general increased ability to communicate slightly better than a couple of months ago.
Small signs of spring on the way. A purple flower in a hedge on a gloomy walk around our streets. Sun bursting in the distance through the murk across a stormy sea. The parting of grey clouds to reveal blue sky beneath. Birds singing at twilight. A sunny morning run along the seafront. Face turned up towards the sky trying to soak in every ounce of vitamin D from the sun before it left again.
Sitting in my counselling room reflecting on change in my approach to myself.
Sitting in my spiritual directors house noting change and the return of ordinary issues in after the massive bolder of the last year and a half has been moved away.
Laughing wryly with the lovely husbandface at the return of the old issues, grateful that maybe we have a chance to tackle them and see how we’ve changed as they return.
Sitting in a pub with a new friend, deeply loving the indulgence of Friday night drinks away from bedtime in our respective houses. Swimming the depths chats. Mmmm.
Son2’s insistence on being a dog for the whole of a 45 min walk on the seafront.
Son2’s excitement about starting his new nursery this coming week.
Drumming at my African Drumming class. Being made to solo and kind of loving finding the rhythm and doing some big hitting around it, in it and through it.
A slow Saturday start. Brownies at the market. Park with the small ones. Coffee in hand.
Onward we go through January… How’s your week been?