It’s Friday. The last two weeks have been fairly rollercoasterish. Day by day we have survived with a variety of things making that possible. Lovely friends to share the madness with, saying yes to more of the boys requests than no. Early bed and no phone in the bedroom before sleep. The joys of routine helping us know what’s going on each day. Garden centres. So many garden centres. Oh and the utter cuteness of the boys at times.
Weekends aren’t so rest bringing anymore and I’m starting to slowly adjust my thinking to enter them realising that. It’s hard going and grumpy thoughts happen more often than not. Slow and steady is the order of the day (we should really be watching Thomas if that’s the case). When I take things slowly and quietly and remember how limited we are right now things go much better.
I realised how on edge I was this week when I cried over spilt coffee, a friend having very reasonable boundaries, having to put our Christmas tree outside because we were allergic to it and my boys going mental on Tuesday afternoon. Hormones have much to do with those episodes but it’s interesting to note how close I am to the irrational. I’m glad to be aware and able to process it. Christmas also seemed like too much stress until I stopped worrying about getting everyone the perfect present and bought some stuff. It will do. Perfection doesn’t exist. (Repeat 10 times)
Husbandface had to work in London the last half of this week. It’s been an interesting experience in seeing how far I have come in confidence in this parenting lark. Well that, and the prayer that people have been doing for us. Whatever the reason (and it’s probably God eh) we have had a good few days. I don’t feel more exhausted than usual and I have enjoyed my crazies. We’ve had more getting out of the house fun than normal but that’s been great. After a shaky start to the day this morning coffee and painkillers put me right and we are looking forward to getting the beloved Daddie back with us tonight.
Wow this is more rambling than usual.
Anyway. Church was once more brilliant this week. I love any chance to sing Joy to the World. I also loved the sermon on disappointment at Advent. Christmas is so overloaded with mental expectations and yet the reality of life goes on through the tinsel and fairy lights. Life doesn’t seem to hold much regard for this time of year and for those of us struggling through it seems particularly incongruous to be surrounded with such bling. Disappointment is part of it all. I can’t imagine how weird it must have been to have been told you’re carrying the Saviour of the world and then to live through baby and toddler years. Seems like there would have been a massive gap between expectation and reality. We live that tension so much at this time of year. We ache for consolation and peace. We ache for the pain to stop in ours and others lives. We ache for the Saviour to come and we try to find some way of walking on with that ache. Disappointment is part of our lives but it is tempered by the presence of the One who promises himself in the midst of the pain and who says one gloriously mental day he will come again and our hearts will ache no more.
(If you write ache too many times it really looks like it’s spelt all wrong.)
All in all it’s been a good couple of weeks. We’ve survived and I’m starting to embrace more and more the idea that I can trust friendships to God’s care and not panic if there seems to be no safety net. Mostly he’s been telling me He is our safety net. That’s a good place to be in. Remind me of that once the caffeine has worn off tomorrow morning.