We are half way through the first week back into term life, post epic sharing parenting times for the last 8 weeks. It’s a weird transition. For 8 weeks we’ve been in it together, sharing the joys and frustrations of the small people, tagging each other in and out of naps and time on our own. We’ve had time to rethink some of our parenting (helped by the, so far, very helpful Calmer, Easier, Happier parenting book) We’ve helped each other learn new skills and practise together. I know we are in a very privileged position that this happens every year (with the addition of bonus times throughout the year).
It is however somewhat jarring to return to 5 days a week being the main parent with the small goons. Husbandface gets about an hour morning and evening with the small ones, time that is usually full of getting ready to go to work or struggling to stay awake post returning from work. Again I’m glad the boys do at least get this time. I am so grateful to him for leaving school to get home in time to hang with us before bedtime.
When we thought about having kids I imagined us doing it all together. It took until 4 months into son1’s life to process the reality that I was going to have to step up as the main carer in this relationship. I had to fight to own and delight in being a Mummy. 4 years later and right now (this can change on an hourly basis) I can say I really love this uber weird strange job. I love hanging out with the small ones. I love getting to see their growth and development. I love having fun with them. I enjoy less the constant reinforcement of how we do things, the battles over control and the times these reveal the darkness and impatience in my heart. I’m thankful that our lives are underpinned with insane grace and forgiveness as hourly I see my, and the boys, need for it.
Today we had a visit from son1’s new nursery. It was a lovely time where they got to know him better and he got to know them. It was lovely seeing him talk to them and get confident around them. I love the care taken to do the settling in well and the delight they showed in him and his brother. I sense and hope it will be a safe place for him to flourish and prepare for the world of school. I confess I’m looking forward to this next phase. I’m looking forward to getting involved in our community more through the nursery and school. (I’m also intrigued by the new challenges school life will bring and aware of potential difficulties. I don’t think school will solve things or be the worst thing ever. It will be what it is and we will work through the issues.) I’m looking forward to having more space to explore writing and a potential job in the future. But whatever the future holds I’m enjoying this last year of hanging out with son1 before his days are more full of school. I’m loving the strange privilege of bringing these boys up for now and the years ahead.
Mentally right now things are good. We seem to have come into a pool of light after the darkness of the first half of the year. My heart is once again soft to the existence of the Maker who forms our days, weeks and years. Stirring is happening within. Our house is being sorted internally with a new kitchen coming and the hideous carpet going. Husbandface is in a better place. I feel like we are releasing him to do his job well when he’s at work and not just wishing he was here all the time (ah the me of 3 years ago would have been horrified to learn that some days I’d have to wait until 5.30 or 6 until he came home.). It’s good to mark the change and see how life seems more manageable in this stage. It is good to embrace the days I’m alone with the boys and not just freak out that I have no friends. It is lovely to bask in September sun and notice the good. It is good to focus on the good in my boys, in encouraging them constantly and telling them what they are doing right (thanks helpful parenting book). It is good to know grace when I forget to do this and get frustrated and annoyed at them (let’s draw a veil over bedtime last night). Forgiveness is an awesome thing. It is good to find blackberries wherever we walk around our roads.
Your correspondent. Slightly rambling thoughts I needed to put down. You’re welcome.