Sleep depravation is a killer and affects all I think and do at the moment. My brain tried to convince me that church is alienating, un-encouraging and that people would judge me for my son’s inability to sleep at all well and how we deal with that. Weird right?
I didn’t want to come here today.
I grudgingly got in the car and I showed up. Something at the back of my mind remembered a blog post I’d read about how encouraging it is when new mums turn up to church, baggy eyes and crying babies in tow. I am part of this body and it is good to show up. Whatever state I’m in I am not here not because I’m in a perfect condition but because I’m part of this body.
I didn’t want to come here today but I did.
I haven’t talked to new people. I’ve wandered around with son1 as he explored outside. I’ve sat down and heard of a God who lifts us out of pits, out of mud and mire. I’ve said sorry to him, with my church family, for forgetting him and for growing bitter in the night at the circumstances I find myself in. I’ve sung of his grace. I’ve heard that our God is at work when life sucks and when it’s great (both sum up my life right now, it’s both beautiful and sucky all at the same time).
This is the reality I long to cling to in these weary days – God is at work- I don’t know how but he’s up to something.
I didn’t want to come here today but I’m glad I showed up.
Baggy eyes and small children in tow.