Seeing as this boy doesn’t want to arrive anytime soon you can all assume that my week has been like the ones described before. There is nothing new around here.
So instead, lets have some fun thinking of alternatives to traditional children’s songs. I find nursery rhymes some of the most tedious songs ever and think it’s high time we upped our game when it comes to kids songs. If I have to sing ‘The wheels on the bus’, ‘Wind the stupid bobbin up’ or ‘Sleeping bunnies’ one more time I may go mad. And don’t get husbandface started on the actions to ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’. Apparently we need a better action for the word diamond that isn’t making the shape of a rhombus. But that’s his bug bear not mine.
To save us from these songs we love going to an Aardvark music class each Monday. Imported from America it’s a collection of songs that reflect life as a child growing up in the city. We get out shakers, sticks, instruments and do actions to them. They have proper tunes, melody and wouldn’t sound out of place on radio 6 at times. Obviously we are sick of these songs too as with anything played over and over again throughout the day. But at least they are fun, varied and interesting.
For those without such a class near them, here are some quality tunes to replace some of the old nursery rhymes. It may just save your sanity…
‘Aint’ got no (I’ve got life)’ by Nina Simone and Groove finder instead of ‘Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.’
This song is even more educational – teaching children where their liver, chin, blood, hair and brains are has got to be a winner right? (although maybe lets replace the sex and boobies part for a later time in their lives…)
‘Nice weather for ducks’ by Lemon Jelly instead of ‘5 little ducks.’
Let’s face it ‘5 little ducks’ is a bit of a scary song encouraging small children to run away from home. We all know it’s an illusion that they all came swimming back 5 days after the first one left. I presume they were all eaten by a fox. (Well if it was a Grimm fairy tale that’s what would have happened.) All the ducks are swimming in the water is a much more merry experience all round.
‘I go driving in my car’ by Madness instead of ‘The wheels on the bus.’
It’s transport themed and doesn’t gender stereotype Mummies into nattering and Daddies into reading the paper.
‘What does the fox say?’ by Ylvis by instead of ‘Old Macdonald had a farm.’
It sticks with the animal noise theme and is nicely trippy at the same time. After all surely we all need to know what the fox says?
‘Happy’- Pharrell Williams instead of If you’re Happy and you Know it.
Surely this is just a 21st century version of the classic, ‘clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth’… it’s really just ‘if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands’ with a better beat.
‘It’s oh so quiet’ by Bjork instead of ‘Sleeping bunnies’.
OK so the themes are different but the loud/quiet/loud thing that is ‘Sleeping bunnies’ only saving grace is genius. I can imagine lots of cute shhhing and then lots of crazy spinning dancing moves. And a much much better melody.
And now over to you. Can you think of replacements for ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’, ‘Wind the bobbin up’, ‘The grand old Duke of York’ or ‘Baa baa black sheep’?
Also, does anyone want to come to my new music class? We could finish each week with a rendition of ‘Filthy Gorgeous’ by the Scissor Sisters as that seems to nicely sum up life with small people.