It’s Friday night. I’m sitting in our boy’s room waiting for him to fall asleep (currently just rolling around the bed), grateful that we have made it through the first week with husbandface back at work and me with an ever-increasing bump to navigate whilst looking after the small one. I was dreading this week- no groups to go to (they all start next week) and no structure to cling to. Despite all of that we have survived. I loved Monday- Wednesday, delighting in some quality time with the boy. I’ve realised that these are the last few weeks with just me and him and so I’m starting to treasure these moments.
We made play dough (surprisingly easy and a lot nicer on the hands than the shop stuff). We played with teapots and dice and did lots of ‘Maths’ (the boy’s latest obsession). We slept lots and saw a few people. Thursday was harder as my body started to give out and the boy was grumpier due to an upset stomach. I was very glad of the arrival of Nana and Gaga on the scene today as my patience was ebbing away and they were very helpful in entertaining the boy. Best of all I got to see my lovely friend Lou and her new baby this afternoon all by myself 🙂 I had the bliss of 2 hours of chat without having to police a small one and I got cuddles with a newborn.
It did bring home the reality that in few weeks I too am going to have a little newborn and life will be very very different. I desperately want my body back (so much so that I am jealous of people who can walk freely and not need the loo every 5 seconds) and yet I’m not sure I want to do the whole labour thing to get it back. I am scared and eager all in one swirl of emotions and I am glad my boy is there to distract me from the impending arrival. One day at a time living is enough for me right now.
It’s Friday night. The boy strokes his cheeks and gets ready to sleep, the other boy wiggles around inside getting ready for who knows what. It is Friday night and I have no idea what tomorrow will bring so for now I rest my head upon the shoulders of the one who made me, who knit me together in my Mothers womb and I ask for strength, for peace and for trust as I walk through these days.