The Spiritual Direction course I’ve been doing this year came to an end today. It was a day of endings and ponderings for the future. Part of the day was sharing letters we’d written to God about what might happen in the future and thanks for all we’ve experienced on the course. For what it’s worth, here’s mine.
Dear God, it’s been an interesting year eh? Thank you so much for it, for providing the exact space I needed to remember true and important things like I was more than a milk machine to my son, that my brain hasn’t been turned off entirely in the haze of sleep depravation. Thank you for giving me this year to remember that I have a future life that involves more than my children and thank you for showing me just how much you love me through my son and his crazy joy in this world. Thank you for showing me the worth and value of life right now and that you hold the future in your hands.
Thank you for meeting me, for reminding me that your love isn’t dependent on how much or little I pray. Thank you for providing for me and for teaching me more of the wideness of you through hanging out with other people on such different journeys but with the same God who loves and delights in us.
I’m not sure what the future will hold exactly, I have plans, husbandface has plans, we think we might know the direction life will take but whatever it looks like I know for sure that I want to help people in this journey towards you. Thank you for making people feel comfortable enough in my presence to want to open up about how life is with God in a real and honest way. Thank you that I can share their tears, their joys, their frustrations and know that I don’t have to provide the answers. I really think there is nothing I’d rather be doing than listening to people as they discover and notice the reality of you in this beautiful world you have made.
I want to keep doing that, through the daze of new motherhood as I share life with other new Mum’s and as we work out what on earth life looks like in this new strange world. I want to keep listening for your voice in the midst of the mess and exhaustion and I long to help others find your voice in this place as well. I would love to keep on sharing and hearing peoples stories of their life with you as I journey onwards, through whatever changes may come in these next few years. Please use me as you see fit, help me know I am loved and so be able to bring others to your love. Help me be at peace with what you have given me each day to do and help me love and encourage my boys with the reality and presence of you.
Thanks for all you have been up to this year. Help me look for your voice through the craziness of two boys to look after and nurture in this world. Thank you for your mother love which has shown me how to love and the depths of your love for me.
I have been very grateful for the space this year to participate in the course and to the excellent Jo for looking after sonface and generally being extremely helpful and lovely. Love our church family.