Today is my birthday, I’m hanging on more year on the line (points for the song that comes from). As documented last year birthday’s can be a bit of an issue in my head. I’m learning to live with my strangeness but as each year rolls around I can’t help thinking, will this be the year I’ll finally learn how to love well? Will this be the year I can manage my pride, my perfectionism and my melancholic personality? Getting older sometimes means that we can handle some things in this life better, but getting older doesn’t mean we sin any less, being an adult, being old in years doesn’t remove us from the trials and temptations of life. Some lessons we have to learn over and over again, some we have dealt with. There are battles I don’t face so much anymore and there are weary, well trodden ones I face over and over again.
The Christian life is like that, it’s messy, it’s not some nice neat progression into sinless perfection the older we get (as much as I’d like it to be). God takes us up seemingly blind alleys, round twisty bends, the long way round and back to the same issue again and again. He’s got a better plan for my growth in godliness than I have. I’m starting to learn that he is less concerned with my sinless perfection than I am. After all he’s bought it for me already, given it to me as a beautiful garment to wear, not a stick to beat myself up with when I fail.
He has clothed me in His sinless perfection and as the years roll around I think we’re meant to be learning to appreciate that more and more. Not looking at how awesomely grown up and great we are now but aware more deeply of the One who has given us new life, new hope and a new future. Aware more deeply that He loves us, remains committed to us and will never stop working in us as we stumble around getting tangled up in old ways of thinking, being and relating.
I’m a fool but I am a fool who is loved by the creator of the universe. I’m a stubborn proud lady who despairs more than she hopes but I am loved by the Creator of the Universe. I am Loved with a Never Stopping, Never Failing, Never Giving Up Love. So here’s to another year of being held in his hands, of him holding me through labour, through learning life with our beautiful boy, through changes in identity and new patterns of learning how to love. I am grateful for his hand on us, I am grateful for this life he has given me, I am grateful for all the ways in which he keeps on loving me and pulling me back to his arms. I am grateful that my life is in bigger hands than mine.