Advent 9

This week is my last week at the place I’ve been working for 3 years. When I started working for Macmillan Cancer Support I wanted a job that I didn’t have to take home at night, a job that would give me some skills outside the Christian Ministry world. I wanted to work in a friendly office and also, lets face it, pay the bills.

Strangely the familiar world of the fundraising office that I’ve worked over these last three years has been the only thing that hasn’t changed in a world that has been full of change. I’ve moved four times, changed churches, met a man, went out with him, got engaged and then got married, he changed jobs, we toyed with leaving Brighton, we decided to stay forever (or until a big neon light pointed us elsewhere), I went part time with Macmillan (the best decision ever) and we lived with my mother in law’s cancer diagnosis and her death back in September. Throughout it all it’s been strangely reassuring to climb the stairs to the office, sit amidst the Macmillan green, bank money, support people in their fundraising and enjoy a bit of office banter.

I’m moving on to an exciting and challenging role with Off the Fence in Brighton and although right now I’m a bit scared I know it’s the right move, it will be good to move into a role that stretches me more, it’s good to move on. But I am thankful for my time with Macmillan, I’m grateful for the new skills I’ve learnt and I’m grateful to have made some new friends. I’ve battled constantly with the tension between ‘just’ doing an admin job and seeing the dignity and worth in doing it well. I haven’t won that battle by any stretch of the imagination, I think the battle to fight for my identity to be in more than jobs, roles or things I do will go on for a long time.  I think that might be one of the constant fundamental battles of life and I’m glad I have learnt that at least.

From Tuesday morning I will live in that world between jobs, knowing that a new and challenging world awaits but also knowing that for now I can lie down in a green pasture and rest. Throughout the last three years there has been something else, someone else who hasn’t changed. I am still held in his arms, he is still my shepherd, my friend, my God and the One who has patiently held me in the dark nights, heard my cries and forgiven my many sins. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever. In his arms I place my soul and rest.

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