no25

“Is there a way out? I don’t think there is – at least not on my side. It often seems that the more I try to disentangle myself from the darkness, the darker it becomes. I need light, but that light has to conquer my darkness, and that I cannot bring about myself. I cannot forgive myself, I cannot make myself feel loved. By myself I cannot leave the land of my anger, I cannot bring myself home nor can I create communion on my own. I can desire it, hope for it, wait for it, yes, pray for it. But my true freedom I cannot fabricate for myself. That must be given to me. I am lost. I must be found and brought home by the shepherd who goes out to me.

The story of the prodigal son is the story of a God who goes searching for me and who doesn’t rest until he has found me. He urges and he pleads.  He begs me to stop clinging to the powers of death and to let myself be embraced by arms that will carry me to the place where I will find the life I most desire…

…God has appeared in my darkness, urged me to come home, and declared in a voice filled with affection: “You are with me always, and all I have is yours.”

Henri Nouwen- The Return of the Prodigal Son.

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2 Responses to no25

  1. rama says:

    yes I read these every day and yes I am feeling sad.

    more sad than marking my relentless mock exam papers.

    may His glory shine madly and unexpectedly and unflippantly (like a blog comment)

    x

  2. becci brown says:

    This is also how I feel

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