On Darkness…

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It’s been dark for way too long now.
In the midst of the tinsel, the food isles, the sparkles and shiny
The darkness creeps.
We smile loud and long and yet the cracks appear.
The darkness lurks.
In the debt, in the sorrow, in the hurting each other over and over again.
The darkness silently, slowly crawls into these times that should be

Light. Joy. Wonder. Hope.

IMG_2518Out here winter trees stand stark against the sky,
Clouds lurk and not all deserts are hot…
This cold wraps around me, this isolated feeling will not shift.

In a deep and dark December
I lift my head
I turn my face
I long, I search for so much more.

Something which the darkness does not understand, cannot understand, will never understand.
Something the darkness is confused by, turns over and over and yet cannot consume.
Something that goes deeper than the tinsel
Deeper than the sorrow
Deeper than the dark.

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The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned…

See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on their God.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”  even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

…because of the tender mercy of our God,by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.

The light is coming. The dawn is on it’s way. Even if from here it looks pale and dim. The dawn is coming…

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Even so, come Lord Jesus, come and shine in the darkness this Christmas. Come and make us new. Come and usher in a new world of no more death, morning, crying or pain. Come and be with us in our weary brokenness.

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Christmas is almost here…

And so we stumble on, term is almost over, the holidays have almost begun and we are more than ready for them.

Today we had our Carol Service at church.

We sang again those old old songs which tell of a bigger story we are all part of, which point us to the wonder of a God who comes to earth to hang out with his people. These are songs that remind us of his crazy weird fragile beginnings on this earth and point to his mission of reconciling sinners to God.

He came to bring us back home, loving us not because we are good or kind or worthy but because He is Good and Kind and Loves Us. He’s a better hope this Christmas than our efforts to be good or our obsession in creating the perfect family time or our desires for all the presents money can buy.

I wrote this piece a couple of years ago and was reminded of it again today as we sang the old old songs, the ones that sing of our Emmanuel, our hope, the best thing anyone could ever want.

“O Holy Child of Bethlehem
Descend to us we pray
Cast out our sin and enter in,
Be born in us today.
We hear the Christmas Angels,
The great glad tidings tell,
O come to us, Abide with us
Our Lord Emmanuel.”

Emmanuel is the word that is most likely to send shivers up my spine. I can’t help but grin like an idiot when belting out the last verse of this carol. It’s all I long for deep down inside. That I could hang out with God, that he would abide with me. It’s a wonder that will not be drowned out by my cynisim, doubt, pessimism or whatever black thoughts I throw at it. Emmanuel and my heart sings, Emmanuel and I drink it in. Emmanuel and I am home again.

 

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Zechariah and Elizabeth (Advent recycled)

z and eI love the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth, if you have no idea what I’m talking about go away and read the whole of Luke chapter 1. Done it? Good. I love the images of this couple, serving away in the temple, longing for kids, waiting for God to fulfil his promises at last. All of a sudden Zech (as we’ll call him) is blown away by an Angel telling that he is going to have a child and that child will be someone who will prepare the way for the thing they’ve been waiting for, for Israel to get back with God and the Lord to come. No wonder he falters a bit and says, um, hang on a moment, have you seen us? We’re old. Children don’t come to old barren women Mr Angel or don’t you realise that.

For this question, and for not believing the word of Gabriel he gets 9 months of silence, whilst Elizabeth gets what she’s longed for, the impossible, a baby.  I’m not sure what it would be like to not be able to speak for 9 months.   I’m really not sure what it would be like to be given a baby after all those years, after giving up on hope. I am sure there were some big celebrations once the baby was born and Zech was given back his voice. A new song bursts out of his mouth, he comes alive and praises God for what has happened.

What has happened to cause such praise, such exuberance? After 400 years of silence God has stepped on the scene again. For 400 years nothing and now this. There is going to be a voice calling out in the wilderness, there will be someone to prepare the way for the One who was promised. Into all the waiting, the failing hopes, the aching dreams steps the messenger of God with news.

This is no ordinary news, this is news of real hope, of promises half forgotten actually coming true, of things that we no longer dared to hope for bursting into view. It’s a massive view, in fact, if you have time, it’s a three story picture window view. God has come, he’s redeemed his people, he’s forgiven their sins, he’s doing what he said he would, he’s going to make sure we can serve him without fear and he’s going to make sure we get caught up in his tender, tender mercy.  We are faced with such a rush of colour, light and truth after such long silent years.

Like the sudden turning on of a light in a dark room God’s promises rush into our vision and it’s easy to get overwhelmed by what we see, to let them swim over our heads.  To miss the point that these are the promises that enable us to live with him today. We are able to serve him without fear today, we can enjoy his tender mercies today. That’s right. Today. This God who shines light in the darkest of places is at work in your life today. The rising sun from heaven has come and there is on offer peace of the deepest sort.

To Ponder:

Have you got tired of waiting for God to do something? How does this passage help in the waiting?
What do we need to know in the waiting?
How does it feel to know that God acts in tender mercy towards you?

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A good day

desert2Today I headed out to my Spiritual Direction course, glad of awesome friends to look after sonface and looking forward to a day of reflection and catching up with God. After spending some of the early morning looking longingly at retreat centres and wishing for a retreat day it occurred to me that I was going on just that, admittedly a more intense version of a retreat day but it was a day out of routine, a day to sit and be with other pilgrims on this crazy journey of walking with God.

Today we were exploring the desert. A place which we can often think of as a negative experience, it’s easy to just imagine being parched and thirsty. I think we realised today that the desert experience can be positive, they are places of exposure, exposure to ourselves and to God. They can also be places of enclosure, desert caves providing cool shelter from searing heat.  I love the idea of heading out to meet with God, to seek his face and to sit with him a while. Whilst being exposed can be a highly uncomfortable experience, being exposed to God always comes with an affirmation of his love as he looks at us and knows the depths of our soul, the true us, the no masks attached us. He exposes our pretenses and the barriers we put up and sees the real person underneath it all. It is that person that he then loves, embraces and calls on to life with him.

I love these days for providing the space to remember that the most important thing in life is life with my Maker. I wondered today how many of my decisions were made with the question of what is best for my relationship with God? What will bring me into a deeper awareness of His love? What will enable me to live his call on my life? Too often I hide behind a backdrop of noise from the internet or my chattering inner monologue. It is time to try and silence some of the voices. It is time to head to the desert and find life. It is time to face exposure and to seek the voice that matters most. It is time to reject the love of power, prestige and pride as Jesus did in the desert and time to seek the voice that tells me who I truly am and whose love changes everything.  It’s time amid the Christmas excesses to stop and be still and remember the One who it’s all about.

I love the time to hang out with people on very different journeys, who are from different spiritual traditions, who don’t all speak the same language about God as I do. It’s enriching to learn from others, to be reminded of different ways of approaching God and it’s great to be around people who use metaphor to describe pretty much everything. As someone who from an early age was getting my family to describe where their lives were in relation to the nature around us, I love and delight in such wide expansive ways to explain our lives with God.

This course feels like it’s connecting bits of my past childhood faith with bits of my present faith and that’s a satisfying feeling. I feel more whole after days like today and I think that’s down to the space to hang out with the One who has been there from the start in my Mum’s womb and will be there until the end when he returns or calls me home. All in all a good day.

 

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Advent (a little recycled)

waitingA few things have happened in the last week to make me groan once again with longing for the day when this world will be made new, when there will no more be sin or sorrow. I am weary of my selfish heart and I am weary of the rubbish in this world. We aren’t getting better as a human race and I’m tired of it right now. This is some of what I wrote last year on a similar theme:

I’m a pretty glass half empty person. This you will know if you’ve hung around here for more than a minute. I genuinely love people and things about this life but I also know there is so much crap in this world. There is so much pain, hurt and fear in our world and that’s just for those fortunate to live in a non war torn land. It’s a privilege of my place in this world that I don’t live in fear of my life. This world is broken and messed up. There are beautiful moments in the midst of that but they aren’t enough to give meaning if this is all there is. I can’t see it any other way, but please tell me if you can. I’d love to know how.

That Jesus is coming back means that there will one day be a world of no pain, no tears, no warfare, no violence, everything sad will come untrue and we’ll have the option of living in a never ending world with our Maker unable to hurt him or each other anymore. That means I stumble on in this world. That means there is hope. That brings meaning to my everyday world. It means I can endure hardship. It means that there is hope for those who don’t get what they really want in this life. It means broken friendships here will be made new there. It means that we will see loved ones again.

It also means every knee will bow before the king of Kings, Jesus himself. Either a terrifying reality or a wonderful joy. It may be both – a fearsome prospect only to find that he lifts our head, looks deep into our eyes and we finally can believe the truth that we are loved.

If not true I can’t see any point to this life. That might be my extreme all or nothing personality but tell me where the hope is when you look around at the world? How does anyone make sense of it with no wonderful ending?

In the midst of our weary painful lives there is a reality of one who has come into this world and that, I think, stops us despairing entirely. However much we don’t understand of the suffering we experience here there will be a day when it will be taken away forever. Until then all we have is wet eyes, a broken heart and sometimes real joy knowing that Jesus has come and will come again. I can’t make sense of the world any other way.

Christmas reminds me of this reality. It reminds me that extraordinary things can happen, that the barren woman will rejoice, that the lonely will be put in families, that the blind will see, the deaf hear and the lame walk. One day our husband will come for his bride. One day we will feast on aged meat and fine wine. One day we will laugh and cry with relief. This life will seem like a bad dream as we see our world renewed and dancing for joy.

I can’t see the meaning without that future awaiting us.

And here’s a couple of verses from some carols that put it into words a bit better than I can:

“No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.”

“O ye beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow;
Look now, for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing;
Oh rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing.

For lo! the days are hastening on,
By prophets seen of old,
When with the ever-circling years
Shall come the time foretold,
When the new heaven and earth shall own
The Prince of Peace, their King,
And the whole world send back the song
Which now the angels sing.”

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