I’m back in IKEA, back after a whirlwind three weeks of moving stress, new house to bed into, half term to adjust to, boys to help settle into a new place, the exhaustion that comes with a brain learning new neural pathways to find the milk, the mugs, the teabags, where to keep everything, how to remember where everything is etc etc. 

But today I am here. The boys have returned to school, the last of the IKEA furniture to be bought is in the van, reminding me of how much I loved Tetris. I’m drinking a dubious cup of free coffee and still living off the buzz of a morning swim and walk in a country park, my body feeling the wonder of my boys in a safe place, a back relaxing from it’s hyper-vigilance of the last 10 days. 

I’m quickly typing away because I want to put a marker point in the sand. Here we are. One whole year on from our arrival in this beautiful land. 

I like to mark the occasions, I am freeing myself from writing an epic tale of all this last year has meant, I clearly don’t have time for that right now. BUT I have time to say we are here. We have survived this far. We have made it through the wilderness to some more wilderness (clearly we do NOT have everything sorted after this year). We have lived all the metaphors, weathered the storms, been washed up on shore, found a harbour, lived through the tempests, wandered through the wood wondering if we will ever find the path again, fallen down, got up, cried more tears than I care to remember, climbed mountains metaphorical and physical, found some safe places, been through every phase of life imaginable, started up roads that turned into dead ends and more. 

It’s been a full on year. 

But. 

I wouldn’t change it. 

Although it’s been exhausting on SO many levels, although I have been at the point of despair more times than I would have liked, although I have questioned all our decision making processes the ‘and yet’ remains. 

And yet.

At the end of the year we are only just at the beginning of this adventure, I don’t know what the next step will be for now we will do the next right thing, which seems to be bedding into the space we find ourselves. 

We have SO many plans for the future, for the land, for space and shelter for anyone who finds themselves coming near us. We want to see my sister in law’s business finding a secure home on the land, we want to offer space for rest, refreshment and a place for people to come back to the restorative knowledge of the divine spark within. 

I deeply hope those plans happen but I can’t guarantee that. There are many questions, just like there were so many questions when we left Brighton last year. We can’t create certainty, we don’t know if it will work out but I am so deeply glad we are giving it a go and able to give it a go. 

The journey goes on, there is really no nice neat one year on shiny completion. We walk on and we find out more about ourselves. And as we journey on we slowly, gently, often forgetfully, trust in the One who is out here in this wilderness with us, accompanying us in this story, reminding us that we are safe and held, calling us on to love and love and love again.